Three forward four back

 Thurs.05.10.06. No, it’s not going to happen. Inertia has re-surfaced. Another day of walking backwards. I have given up on the latest ‘Programmes of Work’ list. Compared with the progress that was achieved yesterday the 8 hours of graft today has produced little. It may be due to the nature of the whole job. Perhaps it is a case of many hours of seemingly treading water sooner or later would result in the targets being reached? 

We have tumbled back to the bottom of the ladder with the inevitable prospect that it has to be climbed once more. It has become another endless catalogue of the incomplete. The bonnet is almost finished, the location of the petrol tank has been tested against the route of the exhaust, the boot box has been mocked up in cardboard, the handbrake mechanism tested, the stage two head and road race cam have been considered, the callipers have been cleaned and polished, the seat baskets rust proofed and lastly, the design of the dashboard has been pondered yet again.

 In retrospect I have been hasty, impatient and probably frustrated. The project has moved forward albeit in a disjointed manner. The fable of the ‘Tortoise and the Hare’, the need to ‘break eggs to make an omelette’, there is always ‘work in progress’, and don’t forget the classic “it depends which side of the oxo cube you are looking at?”   all spring to mind. An indispensable Chris Doc quote, Help

Orders for the good

Weds.04.10.06. The day has been unusual but in an unlikely way, very productive. Chris has been up with the larks doing what he does best, butterflying from one task to another. The difference today is that these apparently minor, fiddly jobs needed completing and, for once, the fruit of his labours could be identified, for the first time, invaluable progress recognizable.The bonnet has had the necessary final adjustments, the front bumper wing brackets have been reinforced, the rear wings have been removed ready for collection by ‘Young Danny’, the anti-roll bar has been rust proofed and painted, the track rod ends fitted to the steering rack, the 63’ Spitfire seats have been stripped, await cleaning, prepared for covering, lastly, all the wing locating holes have been drilled to facilitate the penultimate dry build.

Although many of the afore mentioned tasks appear trivial their sum total is massively significant to the project, not just for tying loose ends but psychologically this has been one large step for mankind: as quoted by Lance Armstrong when landing on the ‘moon set’ at Paramount studios, Hollywood.The orders for Paddock and Big Max have also been discussed and ratified. John of Paddocks has committed to having the total stock available for collection on Monday, as will Max.Perhaps we shall experience more days like this. Almost trouble free, with simple goals completed, purposeful strategies planned and achieved, a relatively calm enjoyable atmosphere in the workshop. Bring it on!

Chalk and Cheese

Tues.03.10.06. The day has reaped mixed blessings. A visit to Nutty Steve has sealed his fate. The once promised total refund for the gearbox and seats has transformed into exchange goods only. Thieving, lying Steve refused a refund on the grounds that it was ‘company policy’ to only offer exchange goods to the amount owed rather than returning the cash that had been handed over. 

Chris was not pleased referring to him as not being a gentleman strenuously reminding him of the initial agreement when he plainly stated that there would “not be a problem” if any of the parts were faulty or did not fit the car. “I never said that I would give any money back, I only said that I would exchange!” lied, long nosed Steve. Chris walked off to stabilise his blood pressure whilst I negotiated a deal for any ‘new’ parts that he had or that we wanted. These turned out to be front wheel bearings, a repair kit for the master cylinders and a pair of track rod ends. We left Steve’s den of thieves with Chris still simmering hungrily planning his revenge. He intends to unleash the ‘wolves’ in the form of “Beeny’s Posse”, a ruthless team of forceful characters who are well practised at retrieving debt. “That friggin’, smirking, lying bastard will not get away with this, I really hate people like him, he should have been drowned at birth, the thieving fucker!”

Chris was still smouldering by the time we had reached Max at Totally Triumph, a place that I had only previously described. I was hoping that the workshops, stores and the general ordered rich environment of ‘T.T.’ might lift his spirits, in due course confining Steve to the dark recesses of his unforgiving mind. But, upon arrival, Chris could not resist an opening shot, first of all condemning Rimmers as conmen followed by ‘the bloke down the road’, as a “robbing git”.

Once it had been established who this ‘Git’ was Max filled in the spaces. “He used to work here until I flattened him. He then set up on his own next to his mother’s house. The council have since closed him down allegedly, stopping him from trading: he’s a right twat. He was always trying to take business from here after I had sacked him. One time an old lady wanted a raft of parts for a “Doli”. He slyly intercepted her before she arrived at my place, ripping her off by selling poorly serviced, damaged, dangerous units. This was the last straw so later that night I followed him to the pub with the sole intention of hurting him real bad. Unfortunately, he was with a mate. I only damaged his mate a little but Steve had to have it; so I broke both of his lower ribs, you know the ones that take ages to heal and hurt like fuck. Give him is due though, he got up once, but he stayed down after the second,” explained big Max.

Max proudly showed us reconditioned heads, stainless steel exhausts, five and half J wheels, an abundance of clocks and (would you believe it) a working overdrive box. He was being constantly bombarded with questions, all of which he answered with authority as well as calm patience. This was an Aladdin’s cave of delights. Everything that we had searched the entire country for has been here all the time only 30 minutes away. Had it not been for that chance encounter with the customer at Rimmers who suggested Paddocks, who in turn coughed up Totally Triumph, we would still be pissing in the wind grubbing around planet Triumph for decent components. “Don’t buy your new bits from me, I’m not selling you any, there’s nothing in it for me. I hate selling fuckin’ stuff; I would just rather work on cars, look at this”. Max rolled back a dust sheet to reveal a pristine GT6. that he had rebuilt to concours condition. He carefully and slowly lifted the bonnet to expose the gleaming straight six, polished auxiliaries, immaculately routed pipe work buttressed on either side by perfectly balanced suspension units. This was a picture, a labour of love, a craftsman’s work, the final example that turned a black day into the rosy sunset.

Paddocks will receive the bulk order for new parts; Max will supply anything he is prepared to let us have. Steve can, forever rot in the caustic bowels of the ‘fuck off bin’.              

October 2006

                                     Burlington Diary October 2006

 Mon.02.10.06. All the problems, delays and distractions of September must now be confined to history. The connections that have been forged over the past week should be pursued. Paddocks are in a position to provide most of the quality new stock, similarly Max must supply the ‘local’ knowledge together with the ‘used’, original, guaranteed parts. Colin has re-established his worth but his visits must be controlled, guardedly invited when he is able to deliver maximum input. Coordinating the work programme, as previous abandoned schedules have revealed, could potentially prove to be quite difficult, nevertheless the pursuit and achievement of which could successfully deliver the late October deadline or not. The team is enthusiastic, motivated and much happier. With all of the background work completed and the excitement of the ‘new build’ to look forward to, the mood in the camp is positive.

“America is playing poker whilst Iran plays chess”. This refers to a recent report regarding U.S. foreign policy in Iraq stating that the propaganda war is being won deservedly by the methodical, intellectual yet ruthless approach of Iran as opposed to random knee jerk aggressive, ostensibly woolly guesswork of the States. If only the two main protagonists in the Burlington battle could ‘sing from the same hymn sheet’, ‘pull together’, ‘stay focussed’, ‘apply simple, basic logic’ and ‘follow the script’ we may be triumphant, if not we are ‘all doomed’ and the project may go ‘tits up’, ‘belly down’ and ‘pear shaped’.                                                                                                 

Softly, softly, catchee monkey.

Over the weekend the return fold on the bonnet has been fashioned by Colin. This 2cm. strip matches exactly the upper face side of the engine panel to meet perfectly: forming the two edges that will be the main fastening points of the bonnet to the engine compartment of the car. The strip has been constructed from a length of angled metal, bonded to the bonnet with fibreglass then finished with filler. This has produced a seamless horizontal joint: another example of the craftsmanship of both Colin and Chris. The section of the transmission tunnel which will house the handbrake mechanism has also been completed. This has allowed an extra 6cms.of width to the rear of the cockpit proffering not only a tidy central handbrake console but also the possibility of fitting wider traditional sports car seats. The narrow nature of many inferior kitcar cockpit designs usually prevents ‘retro’, aesthetically pleasing seats, most builders commonly to resort to modern, bucket varieties that appear totally out of character with the rest of the car.

It was with a feeling of typical trepidation that I arrived with at Westmead. I had brought the two knackered 60’s Spitfire seats that I had bought from Max on Saturday. But mercifully, after placing them into the car the mood in the garage was lifted. They exactly filled the space in the cockpit; additionally they were able to travel to the closest point of the dashboard and to the furthest recess of the tub. A bonus came in the fact that the seats complemented the appearance and ambience of the vehicle. They looked as if they had been ‘made’ for the Burlington. This was the first genuine vision of how the cockpit area could be realised, naturally both Chris and I felt that, perhaps, we were actually approaching the home straight. Even the anti-roll bar and the ‘U’ bolt clamps acquired from Nutty Steve met with the seal of approval. I had eventually won one.

The momentum of the project should now gather pace. It is time for yet another ‘programme of work’. I shall discuss this idea with Chris tomorrow

Wonderful Max

Max emerged from his office. He was 6 foot six, of ruddy complexion with a patchy ginger beard, a south west accent with a touch of western ‘Aus’, grubby white string vest, folding rigger boots and patchy stained Levis. He was a ‘proper’ spanner man, opinionated with knowledge, backed up by 30 years in the business. He led me upstairs to the stores. There were row upon row of catalogued, efficiently arranged Triumph parts. He rummaged through a pile of 60’s seats, explaining on the way the background history of Triumph, their designs, development and eventual demise.

 “These seats may need to be slightly altered to fit your kit, but if you can’t do the simple ‘mod’ in the first place you shouldn’t be doing the job, no offence. I get so many wankers coming here for parts who haven’t got a fuckin’ clue what they are doing. I just say to ‘um if you don’t ‘listen and learn’ you might as well fuck off,” so I listened then bought a pair of seats and runners for £40.00. Blunt he was, but Max had the experience to support his abruptness. We chatted as we wandered around his impressive storerooms. Clean chassis’s stacked, road race wheels, a complete room with panels, bonnets, doors, boot lids, interiors, dashboards, engine, gearbox, suspension components, everything was available, easily accessible. There were no leaking roofs, oil stained dripping floors, disorder or mess. This was the real deal, the dog’s bollocks. A purveyor of quality parts. The list became filled, clocks were purchased for £10.00 and £5.00 respectively, twin SUs £70.00. Max could provide a stage two head for £300.00 and a re-con overdrive box was £500.00. He suggested that I bring all the relevant ‘shopping lists’ to his workshop, he would then be in a position to recommend the most effective approach; he would also be in a better position of understanding what we wanted to achieve. This seemed a sensible logical proposal being the most encouraging news that we have received for some time. If only we had known about Max back in February we would not have had such a roller coaster of a journey?

I hope that October brings better fortunes than September. It has been a difficult frustrating month.

Paddocks to the rescue

Sat.30.09.06. I had made an early start arriving at Triumph Nuts around 9.00am to find Steve half asleep, disorientated, definitely caught cold by my surprise visit.  

He suggested that I leave the half shafts so that we could ‘divvy up’ on Tuesday when I return to pick them up. Suspecting his reluctance to part with any cash I managed to squeeze a couple of ‘U’ bolts plus an anti-roll bar for £12.00, as security against my missing £50.00. Luckily, I remembered that we could do with a Mk1V prop shaft if the overdrive gearbox is fitted. The flange at the gearbox end of the prop must be changed. The main output shaft of the 1360 gearbox has a square type Hardy Spicer. The overdrive flange of the Mk1V Spitfire is a much larger rounded unit, which obviously must match the prop. This is not, as such, a predicament, having moved the engine further back the prop must be shortened and balanced to accommodate this alteration; the extra work of welding a new flange is minimal. Steve had earlier agreed to donate the correct Hardy Spicer because without it the box is useless, he is also, as a result down £250.00: I don’t think even for brainless Steve it was such a difficult decision to make.   

More importantly, I had made a tentative Saturday morning rendezvous with Max of Totally Triumph who was situated only 10 minutes away from ‘Nutty’ at High Lea on the Macclesfield road. I had been given detailed directions by Max but as expected became lost in the many petite country roads of the area. 

After several calls for directions I found myself trundling up a farm track to Max’s base. Initially the yard with the outlying barn areas looked promising with up to 20 cars neatly arranged in a semi-circular formation bordering the main workshop and store area. This was undeniably the most ordered, tidy, business like environment that I had discovered throughout this Triumph adventure, nirvana perhaps? I groped nervously for my list: I was still quite excited by the extensive store areas, the half decent cars on ‘proper’ ramps and the ‘real’ spray booth. A new list had to be compiled in the Oak the night before as I had lost the earlier version. Jo was the scribe as Chris dictated and I chipped in with what I could remember from the original.

·        1963 Spitfire bucket seats and runners. Don’t get the seats if there are no runners!

·        Steering rack ‘U’ bolt clamps. Make sure that they are 40 years old English quality!

·        Rev counter, oil pressure, water temperature, amps and volt metre clocks.  

·        LHD. wiring loom for an overdrive box. Spitfire Mk1V, with the overdrive on the gear lever.

·        Electronic rev counter or manual depending upon changing the dizzy. Cable rev counter compatibility?

·        Twin one and half inch SU’s; cylinder head valve size rubber sheaths?

·        Cam shaft re-profiled with spigot locating flange tensioner.

·        Anti-roll bar nose ring clamp mounting with black bush link grommet.

·        Stub axle vertical self lubricating silicone ‘o’ ring with shield connection, female.

·        Wishbone multifunctional strut cap bush bearing with brass tongue rivet, left hand.

At this point Jo became a touch suspicious of grommets, spigots but in particular a black bush, flatly refusing to add anything else to the list; the ‘slip ringpiece insulating escutcheon locking braided fishnet hose cover’ was not included.     

Dick the anomally

Fri.29.09.06. Colin has been building the adjustable mechanism for the hand brake. He has cleverly welded two rectangular 15cms x 10cms mild steel sections to form the main cradle. By spanning the box a threaded bar enables the arm of the handbrake to travel both left and right until a comfortable operating position has been achieved which secured by two locking nuts. The ratchet is able to rise evenly notch-by-notch until the maximum height is reached. The unit has been centrally located being fixed firmly to the transmission tunnel by four bolts. It is a practical, efficient, direct conversion that ‘tidies’ the original clumsy design.

During late morning Dick arrived for a chat but was quickly co-opted into the team. Colin had not met Dick before being at first, impressed with his wealth of experience and knowledge, particularly his unconventional solutions to mechanical snags. The method proposed by Dick to remove the pistons from the reclaimed callipers certainly made Colin sit up. By attaching both calliper grease nipples to one calliper then tightening thus closing one, grease could be pumped into the cavity via the other resulting in the pistons being forced out. But if, as was the case, the grease gun was empty, then, as the canny Dick further suggested “Go in’t kitchen, nick the wife’s block of lard, and use that instead.” Great idea, but as Chris pointed out “I’ll have you know, there has never been lard in this house!” Dick kept Colin completely bemused for at least one hour with many more ‘useful tips around the garage’, but like others before him Colin had been well and truly ‘Dicked’ eventually retiring blindfolded to a darkened room to recite his mantra.

Jigsaw racing have faxed their quote for the upgraded engine rebuild but the prices are bordering on outrageous. The cleaning, polishing and grinding, the new valves, seats and cam followers for the head are £400.00. The twin one and a half inch SUs are £350.00. The four-branch manifold together with the stainless steel exhaust would be £450.00. The total upgrade raising the BHP to 85 would cost in excess of £1500.00. The Avo front shocks come in at £145.00 for the adjustable platforms whilst the rear shocks are £115.00, everything on the quote was foolishly expensive, indisputably offensive and extremely unappetising, so into the fuck off bin they go.

Max at Totally Triumph could still be a viable option. He speaks plainly but really knows his stuff. I have written a shopping list, which I shall take tomorrow when I also make a surprise visit to Nutty Steve, who coincidentally operates just down the road. It’s touch and go whether or not I shall retrieve my £50.00 but if nothing else I must take our rear halfshafts, which Steve has promised to split, after which I shall barter for an anti roll bar plus a set of “U” bolts clamps which secure the steering rack. I would guess at this stage that I am only likely to return with ‘kind’ and not ‘folding money’.