Eric Cantona

In the evening at the Oak the serious discussion of deadlines, workload, Brockie, aluminium and guitars was interrupted by a ‘pertinent and relevant’ Doc who had lunched at Northcote Manor on crevettes, filet steak and raspberry fool washed down with fine claret. “By the way, what’s the French for ‘don’t shake the fuckin’ bottle, this is a sediment beer, this has got to be savoured; it’s not a cloudy German wheat beer but a bottle matured pale ale?” I assumed that the Doc was referring to the drinks exchange packet that we intend to deliver to Angers on the Beaujolais run. “We don’t want them spraying everybody, just ignorantly gulping it down; it must be done properly!” I suggested ‘ne frappez pas’ or ‘ne touché pas’ to which he enthusiastically agreed, but then, for only he knows, continued onto another strange literary path. “I keep saying to June, why haven’t we gone, made decisions about life, done the things we ought to have done, we should have taken the kids with us, now we’ve got grand children and we still haven’t gone, one park bench is the same as another, so is a two up two down or even a shoe box or a sponge; we are still in Wigan and everybody is coming back, even Joe Berry.”  Perhaps the rumours are correct the Doc is leaving or is he just mimicking Jose Mourinho who is also prone to verbal athletics. ‘The Chosen Ones’ recent statement referencing to the present lack of first team players he had available for a European cup game was equally pretentious. “Its all about eggs and omelettes. When you go to the supermarket there are three types of eggs; class 1, class 2 and class 3. Each can make an omelette. But some are more expensive than others and are of a better quality. It is no use going to Morrison’s when all they have are class 3 eggs when Waitrose have grade 1.” This analogy is on a par with Eric Cantona’s ‘seagulls following the trawler’ bullshit routine which also declines into ‘Tales of philosophical mystery, vain inconsequential fact but mainly bucket loads of  just plain bollocks’. The ‘must have’ ticket in town has got to be ‘an evening with The Doc, Jose and Eric’, a sell out gig.  

Dash=Les Paul

Tues.18.09.07. An extra hour working on the upper layer of the dash has confirmed that the configuration of a two-tier dashboard should prove to be a successful solution to pursue. The timber from Monsieur Luzan has sanded down to reveal a ‘Tiger stripe’ that is more consistent with guitar making rather than dashboard design. The famous USA guitar maker “Gibson” has produced a Les Paul single cut away from 1958 through to the present day, apart from the mid sixties when an inferior alternative was offered. The guitar has a solid body made up of a mahogany base capped by a carved maple top powered by twin humbucking pick ups. This combination of woods produces the rich warm tones significantly unique to this model. The valued specimens are the original 59 and 60’s guitars which have been owned and wonderfully played by past masters such as Peter Green, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page and David Kossoff  (Paul, really, only joking). Another attribute that has been associated with the ageing process has been the way the once sunburst top has faded naturally over the years into the flamed honeyburst. This is categorised by a rich book matched stripe that runs through the cap of the instrument. The very distinctive ones are known as ‘Tiger stripe’. The two samples of wood that Alain Luzan has provided are two impressive examples of this particular phenomenon; one of the pieces in particular has a prominent series of vertically figured striations running through its entire length. Possibly because of these somewhat bizarre connections with guitars, maple caps and most significantly the ability to reveal the splendour of the grain, it must be Richie, the master guitar maker, who will be offered the task of building the dash.

The used, broken windscreen obtained from Life’s motors has at long last been delivered to ‘Caldwells Marine windscreen Specialists’ of Wigan who recommend two choices of approach; a laminated proven screen or the more desirable toughened glass option that contains a clear plastic membrane to prevent shattering and stone chips.

Design decisions, dash!

Fri.14.09.07. The week has gone backwards again with very little progress being actually made. All the internal panels are finished, they have also been painted in the appropriate colours. The template for the dash is now available for who ever wants the job: both Richie and Dave Brown are in the frame. Their different talents have posed this problem of choice. Richie has the flare, Dave has the solidity of approach, but both have the determination to ensure a successful outcome. But, there again so do I. Over the previous six months the amount of premature designs, discarded patterns, ceaseless unresolved ideas has undoubtedly improved my personal woodworking skills. I now have the confidence, technique, craft, but more significantly, the ownership, to seize this golden opportunity for myself; and I probably will.  

Mon.17.09.07. After studying alternative dash design construction I have quickly realised that the impressive most successful images have a gentle shoulder that smoothly encircles all the instruments with a natural rounded rebate accentuating the form, but, also, only permits the merest part of the bezel to be exposed. The gauges are therefore not totally surface mounted but appear recessed nestling contentedly within the warm comfort of the luscious timber. I have attempted to replicate this feature by making a 6mm template of the clocks but have enlarged the cavities sufficiently to incorporate the softened shoulder. This model was then placed over the 4mm dash pattern. The sandwich of plywood ensures that the clocks sit flush on the original prototype but the enlarged upper layer provides the exposed contours of the finished article. In practise this effect can be achieved more accurately using a router, with the appropriate ‘bit’, to cut the exact profile together with the correct size of hole. I have a meeting with Dave Brown later this week to seek his advice as to how best to approach this problem. I can only access particular amateur ‘tools’ that over the years have been nourished by limited personal experience to produce a successful outcome of this peculiar, unique task.

The Oak had been particularly quiet over the weekend with Salty’s son Robert getting hitched the previous weekend in the Scottish Highlands to Christina Woods, the dreaded ‘Evening Post journalist’. Most of the pre-selected post wedding ‘in crowd’ had been summoned on Friday to attend the ritualistic Saturday event to collectively witness Philip’s bogus generosity. Drinks and Rugby in the Bowling Green followed by the evening buffet at the ‘Highmoor’. I am still baffled as to how ‘one’ is invited to any of Salty’s ‘do’s’. I am not Scottish, do not understand the nuances of 15’s rugby, I am not prepared to be bored shitless by dull monotone sycophants and I am definitely not impressed with his transparently phoney deep pocket. Having missed out on the weekend trip to Edinburgh as well as the jollities of the actual wedding I still await my opportunity, perhaps in the future, to say no. But whereas in the past I always pondered as to how I could gently inform the ‘captain’ that I unfortunately would be unable to accept his invite I now have the burning compunction to inform him that, ‘even if he offered the very last seat on the space shuttle that would take the very last surviving person from our decaying planet to a new trouble free life on Mars, I would have great pleasure to tell him to ‘stick it up his arse’.

Situations such as this are part of anyone’s daily grind, the everyday contradiction, the manner of ‘class’. It is not jealousy, nor the whispers that invariably hatch these covert celebrations, the reminder of not completely belonging within the group or any other form of exclusion: it is the secrecy, exclusivity empty false grandeur that is rooted in the very spirit of the activity.  Or, it could be the simple matter that, with all the persuasion in the world Chris could not accept an invitation to my beautiful daughters wedding where even his best friend, David attended; a festive atmosphere of genuine loving celebration freely and kindly offered, but, conversely without question, he gladly accepted an invitation to a function of a person he has personally distrusted all his life. Or, is my mood fuelled simply because I am just pissed off with the lack of progress of the car?  

Panels and Beaujolais

Fri.07.09.07. The construction of the door side panels is complete, along with the other interior sections, I reluctantly trudged up to Westmead for another suit fitting. The workshop was empty so, unhindered, I began to position the parts marking the areas that would need some alteration. I found that the upper reinforced edge of the door panels could be extended to the lower edge of the dash therefore effecting a natural conclusion for this piece of trim; the long sweeping curve taking the eye to the outside ends of the board. The simplistic under trim has also been a successful amendment; slimmer, less fussy it should complement the form of the dash perfectly. The gearbox shroud as well as the prop shaft tunnel cover has undergone the finishing touches to underline what is developing into a purposeful functional attractive ‘retro’ cockpit.

Whilst I was still delighting in my artistic woodcraft expertise I was disturbed by Chris entering the garage munching on the remains of his lunch. I anticipated the usual criticism but he, unpredictably, approved of the layout. “I’ll tell you what, Ni, Richies made another fine job of these panels, you can’t beat proper craftsmanship.” I awkwardly yet illicitly agreed, informing Chris that Richie had spent many hours making sure that everything was of an acceptably high standard. There were some minor faults nothing that Chris could not surreptitiously rectify, so as not to upset Richie keeping him warm, involved still on the case. Even better news was revealed when I noticed that all the lights, indicators and reflectors had been positioned on the wings, the access holes had been drilled ready for assembly. Both Colin and Chris had also had a meeting this morning to discuss the proposed steering column change which has now, mercifully, been decided against. The argument being that the exact position had been calculated to accommodate the comfort of the driver, his operation of pedals, the gear shift as well as instrument vision. But the most exciting part of their discussions concerned ‘when and how’ to lift the central tub off the car so that the chassis can be checked for peripheral damage, the boot box plus the clutch slave cylinder access can be properly re-worked. The relevance of lifting the tub ensures that the project, happily, is back on track. This operation ensures that once the body has been returned permanently, fixed to the rolling chassis there will be no more dry builds, no more major revisions, no more three forward two back and no more wasted time.

I returned home enthusiastically immediately beginning to cut, drill and fashion the ‘definitive’ dash. What a difference a day makes. (artist unknown).

On Sunday we have arranged a meeting, for all interested parties at the Oak with the revised travel plan for the Beaujolais run. Wine tasting at 3.00pm followed by, when everybody is pissed, the itinerary.  

           BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU TRIP 12^TH. TO 17^TH. NOVEMBER  2007

·      Depart the Royal Oak at 9am Monday 12.11.07. 

·      Return ferry crossing Dover Calais 3pm arrival by 5pm. Approx cost £50.00

·      Travel to Honfleur (Northern French Coast) to stay locally at the hotel   

     Mercure on the old harbour with fresh caught seafood on the menu.

     Cost £60.00. 

·      Tues. 13.11.07 drive South West to Angers for a reception sampling typical

     Loire Atlantique food and wine produce. Hospitality and free lodgings. 

·      Weds.14.11.07. Move across country to Beaujeu to enjoy the celebrations of

      ‘Semantelles’ staying at Le Mont Brouilly  in Quincie-en-Beaujolais having 

      a Gourmet meal in the evening at the hotel restaurant. There is a firework

      display and procession at midnight in Beaujeu for any interested parties. I 

      have copies of the menu and the room facilities. Cost £80.00.

·      Thurs.15.11.07. One hour away is Buxy where in the afternoon we can attend 

     another reception and taste local wine in the co-operative cave. We shall stay 

     In the ‘le Relais du Montagny’, but in the evening have another gourmet  

     Meal in the Michelin star restaurant ‘Aux Vines Annees’. Cost £70.00. 

·      Fri.16.11.07. Depart for the Northern coast to arrive in Cambrai to stay at

     ‘Le Mouton Blanc’. Fresh Normandy dairy and beef produce to enjoy in

     the hotel’s 19^th. century restaurant. Cost £60.00.  

·      Sat.17.011.07. We catch the Calais Dover ferry in the morning to arrive back 

       in Wigan early evening. Final reception at the Oak. Details to be announced. 

All the costs have been based upon two people sharing. The prices are per couple. To experience the full package, which includes rooms and all breakfast and evening meals, but excludes lunches, spending money and fuel the approximate cost is……………………..£320.00

It is always possible to offset these costs by returning to the UK with legitimate contraband either to consume oneself or fence locally.

The afternoon went well with the Doc providing cheeses, salmon plus an assortment of European sausages. The three white Burgundies were gratefully consumed along with a Muscadet sur lie and a peculiarly poor Sancerre. The numbers for the trip have been firmed up, the travel arrangements approved. The group now consists of 12 people: namely, Jo and I, the Doc and Alan, Kenny and Norma, Paul and friend, Sheffield Dave and Julie Young and lastly Dave and Julie Green plus two friends.

We just need the car to be ready to complete the whole picture.