Meat Madness

On a lighter, and on an even more ludicrous level, the Landlord, Doctor Dave and Billy Green have been involved in an altercation at ‘Chadwick’s’, the master butchers of Standish. On Wednesday the boys had planned a fishing trip to the Yorkshire Dales. It has been a gloriously hot week, the stretch of river, which was their ultimate destination, was particularly idyllic. The day promised to be very special. To ensure the success of the day Chris Doc had raided his wine cellar but also planned to purchase further provisions from the renound local butchers, ‘Chadwick’s’. The ‘shop’ resembles a complete food emporium rather than a mere butchers, consistently and proudly presenting, not just the finest array of beef, pork, lamb and chicken, but excellent cooked meats, delicious homemade pies, honest, tasty snacks alongside an impressive variety of rustic farm baked breads. Unfortunately, the family have developed a very bizarre protection policy regarding the use of their car park. From, initially, requesting that only their clients use the facility several months ago they have upgraded security by installing small booths which house the traffic wardens that ‘police’ the area. A variety of signs began to appear to warn customers that they were only welcome if they were using the shop or café, not to scatter litter, not to vacate the premises without also withdrawing their vehicle and throughout the visit must restrain children on a lead. Despite these outrageous demands jointly coupled with the family’s increasingly eccentric behaviour, Chris Doc had continued trading with Chadwicks for the last 18 months spending in excess of £40.00 per week simply because the produce was without fail, excellent.                                                   

So, after pulling onto the car park with their proposed shopping list the Doc ventured into the store leaving Billy and Dave waiting in the car. But, Billy sensibly decided, because of the hot weather plus the likelihood of too much exposure to direct sunlight, to buy protective cream from local pharmacy. However, on leaving the car park he was challenged by one of the car park attendants who reminded him that he should not leave the premises. A little confused Billy informed him that his friend was presently in the shop in the process of purchasing a vast amount of victuals but he, himself wanted to obtain a newspaper for their special ‘day out’. “Sorry mate, you can’t leave without your car” repeated the attendant. “My friend, who is driving this car, is, just right now, at this particular moment in time, at this very precise moment, without delay or hesitation is buying a vast quantity of sustenance from your food emporium, I in the meantime, intend to buy a daily journal, thank you” countered the irate Billy. Returning minutes later Billy was confronted by a large female attendant who, aggressively and rudely, verbally attacked him for leaving the car park, defiantly breaking the Chadwick regulations and for, blatantly, ignoring their demands of compliancy. “Where is the paper that you went for?” screamed the lunatic woman. “They didn’t have the one I wanted” Billy calmly replied. Chris Doc, simultaneously yet, curiously coincidentally, was suffering a similar form of cold war interrogation from Mr. Chadwick, the proprietor. Doctor Dave from inside the vehicle looked on in amusement to see both his friends being berated by two certifiable flakes. On leaving the car park the female was still ranting, “you are all banned from the shop, don’t ever come back, I never want to see you again!” Slowly Billy raised his two fingers, pressing them firmly to the window glass, as a result raising an even greater torrent of absurd abuse from the woman. “Nobody will spoil my day” reflected Billy, and thought no more of the matter. Nevertheless, on Friday Chris Doc received a fax from ‘Chadwick’s’ demanding apologies claiming how foul mouthed, terrifyingly impolite everyone had been, especially “The person who gave the V sign to my mother, is banned for life”. This letter has spent the entire weekend pinned up in the office with virtually every reader recounting a similar ‘Chadwick’ moment that they too had also experienced. The whole episode has been difficult to comprehend, the accusations of impropriety totally unfounded. I am not sure that slagging off your customers is sound business practice. Perhaps the customer is not always ‘right’ and it seems, certainly not welcome. Very strange.