Fresh Suppliers?

Thurs.28.09.09. The day has been slightly thwarted because Chris had become slightly irritated when he discovered that he would encounter problems fitting the new engine panels. They were not exactly identical to the superfluous ‘gash’ ones that had been used before as ‘patterns’. The ‘hic-cup’ was duly remedied necessitating more of the body tub to be cut away facilitating a snug fit. Having to retrace his steps was frustrating especially as Colin was due on Friday to complete the ‘return folds’ on the bonnet edge. Chris the perfectionist struggled to create the fine line that he had previously achieved but after many attempts, together with careful filing and cutting the panels were masterfully in place.

I had spent the afternoon rescuing the brake callipers. Sanding away with worn out toothless wheels was not the most efficient way of removing the topcoat of rust but with patience after a few coffee breaks I was reasonably pleased with the outcome. They are in remarkable condition probably coming from a cherished or recent running vehicle. This particular J14 is the later type of brake calliper that had been fitted to Mk 3 and 4 Spitfires; nevertheless it would still be compatible for the 1360. The prospect of replacing chromed pistons, calliper seals and the grease nipples for £14.70 per side very much appeals but not just for the monetary saving but for the sheer delight to see them when they have been painted bright yellow to appear audaciously on the car. We can honestly claim that ‘we did that’.                                                                                                                       Mark from Jigsaw Racing was also keen to place a bid for the parts that we still require but our feeling is to offer only the drive train re-build and possibly the suspension set up to Mark purchasing the remainder from John at Paddocks. It would be foolish not to use Paddocks: we can scrutinise and examine the parts before we commit thus avoiding the problems that we had encountered earlier. I had spoken to John in the morning to price the missing track rod ends but also to enquire about minilite wheels or very early GT6 or Vitesse ‘5 and half inch golf balls’. He couldn’t help, but he gave me the name of Max of Totally Triumph at High Lea near Macclesfield who specialises in various types of wheels. After a brief chat I quickly realised that Max was another long lost brother of Richard and Steve: when previously I had imagined they were twins they were in fact triplets who had been separated at birth. A visit to Max, who sounds even more insane than either of the other two, is a must. I can’t wait to meet this guy. Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday.              

New horizons

Weds.27.09.06. I have thought of a possible compromise to offset the disappointment if the deadline for completion of the Burlington cannot be met: practically at this stage, it is very unlikely. To attempt the run one month later could be a solution. Instead of the Beaujolais Nouveau run we could create the Beaujolais Vieux run returning with some quality vintage Burgundys in place of the thin, fruitless piss they call Nouveau. As I attempted to explain or suggest this alternative to Chris I possibly phrased it badly, “If we took this option it could be an opportunity to finish the car properly, not rushed or cobbled up?” “Cobbled up, I say, cobbled up! There’ll be NO cobbling up, if I’m still involved! I don’t do cobbling up, fudging, patching, half a job Joe and I don’t bodget and scarpa!” “I wasn’t suggesting anything of the sort” if we hadn’t made terrific progress over the past few days I could have been in deep water. But Chris responded favourably, in his own way, “Maybe we could go in summer when the weathers warmer? And, don’t forget, I’m only rude to the people that I like.” The kite has been flown, the seed laid, the dye cast. The next few days could be crucial especially if the proposal is leaked to the Doc.

Chris has finished the dry fitting of the engine panels using the gash alli from Andy ‘couldn’t give a shit’. The bonnet closes perfectly with the tiniest of gaps. All the careful preparation has reaped dividends with both of the panels coming together as if professionally manufactured. To see the combined curving contours of the entire body has resulted in the question of ‘doors’ to resurface. The uninterrupted line of the body tub, engine panel and bonnet could be seen properly for the first time: to break the flow could be detrimental to the final appearance of the vehicle. The estimated work time for the build could be in excess of ten days, there are structurally technical complications not withstanding Colin who has demanded £1000 for completing the work. Suddenly the ‘grand’ spent on the engine and drive train upgrade seems like a bargain. The jury remains still out on the doors. 

The fax has arrived from Paddocks. The parts listed indicate provenance as well as price. The choice of three types of master cylinder, two sorts of brake pads and a branded clutch are just some examples. This encourages us to predict confidently that we may well have eventually found an honest, factual and ‘on the door step’ supplier.

Later in the afternoon the final cuts had been made to accommodate the engine panels into the tub but it was the design of the dashboard that diverted our thoughts. Earlier the new steering rack had been delivered. Chic Doig, thankfully, was true to his word, the rack had been reconditioned too a high standard: compared with the ‘bendy toy’ that had arrived a few days before; this was a well crafted, genuine piece of kit with ‘Stanpart’ written all the way through it. Unfortunately, the overall finish was not good but easily remedied. The paint stripped off and the surface rust removed with 80’s the rack looked brand new. Two coatings of rust preventer and a layer of Hammerite should produce an appropriate excellent component. There was a real buzz in the workshop, stuff was getting done, the project was evolving positively. We were excited, so much so that Chris kept forgetting what he was exactly working on. His trademark butterfly working practise was being severely tested with ‘senior moments’ or what I prefer to call them, CRAFT, in other words ‘can’t remember a fuckin’ thing.” “Shall we have an aluminium dashboard? we certainly have enough left”. Still slightly vague Chris went for a shower.

This has been one of the better days. I look forward to many more.

Back on Track?

Tues.26.09.06. Chris has been fastidiously shaping the pattern for the inner wings of the engine panels; naturally they are perfect, brightly forming the reflective interior of the engine bay. The method of permanently fixing both panels to the car has been thoughtfully considered. The aluminium joint on the body tub has already been cut back to accommodate the extended rear edge of the engine panels. The additional 20mm will be fed underneath the corresponding perimeter facing edge of the tub to be subsequently screwed together then sealed with filler. This alteration will augment an invisible, seamless, plane creating a continuous smooth profile that will accentuate the side elevation of the car.

I have prepared and sent the parts order list for John at James Paddock. He will need at least two days to compile his quote but I am confident that it will be competitive, but more importantly the components should be of a superior standard to that of Rimmers. A similar list, but containing requests for engine and performance upgrades, has also been ‘faxed’ to Jigsaw Racing. In theory Paddocks will provide the bread and butter items whereas Jigsaw will supply the upgraded shockers plus the performance tuned engine and carburration elements.

Dick pitched up delivering a car for Chris and in typical fashion offered his opinion on the concept of creating doors into the Burlington. “I feel that it will compromise the integrity of the car but crucially cause ‘scuttle flex’ at certain speeds. The natural strength of the cockpit could possibly be jeopardised, I would also suspect the doors would rattle breaking their hinges and seals over a period of time?” quoted cautious but astute Dick. He is a real enigma often nailing a problem with remarkable insight yet in the next breath he can shoot himself squarely in the foot with a pathetic, brainless, moronic suggestion. “If you can’t find a pair of seats narrow enough to fit why you don’t just make them yourself out of wood and get Terry Trimmer to cover them” offered Dick, the six toed, inbred cretin. “I’ll just cut down a tree and spend the next two months wittling them up, shall I?” responded a baffled Chris.      

I brought the callipers that I had robbed from Rimmers to show to Chris because I felt that they could be saved and made good. The actual cost of reconditioned callipers from John is a remarkable £35.00 but a repair kit is only £12.00 per side, showing a saving of about £50.00. But, fortunately the ones that we have acquired are in remarkably fresh condition after being scrubbed and polished could be then finished in a stunning bright colour to add another touch of class to the vehicle.

The day has concluded on a high, perhaps all the tough argumentative times are really behind us. 

Papering the cracks

Sat.23.09.06. I journeyed to Lincoln at the crack of dawn to personally return the ‘crap stock’ back to Rimmers. I arrived just before 9 o’clock, unloaded three boxes of spares hastily presenting myself to Mark Pilkington, the unfortunate Rimmers employee who had the task of checking my ostensibly, endless list. The paper work should be completed on Monday when the financial staff can prepare a definitive invoice displaying exactly the goods returned against goods retained. A cheque will then be drawn for the difference then posted immediately to CB Motors. Mark will pass on the list to Toby in customer services possibly next week Andrew Haig of ‘finance’ will dispense the cheque.

The visit to Rimmers was made all the sweeter when after a request to Mark for the return of my callipers he dug out a pair of undamaged exchange callipers instead of my shagged out originals. They could even be rescued ‘in house’, scrubbed clean, repaired with a simple, inexpensive kit and not bartered for a new pair.

Yet another fateful bonus arose when a customer in the stores, having overheard the scale of my transaction, offered a couple of useful addresses. James Paddock of Chester, TRGB and Watford wheels were all collectively strongly recommended. He claimed that the prices were competitive, but importantly, the quality super. We shall see.    

I telephoned Chris to confirm all had gone well. He sounded pleased; progress had been achieved following Colin’s recommendations, the financial news in particular from Rimmers welcomed. The cracks have been papered over.

Mon.25.09.06. The distasteful disagreement on Friday has conversely given the project an unexpected welcomed boost. The air has been cleared, friendships and respect restored, presently there is a feeling of renewed enthusiastic purpose. There has been far too much development, design modifications, incessant, bloody hard work for it all to slip away carelessly imploding into nothing. Over the weekend Chris has been fine tuning Colin’s latest contributions: cutting the transmission tunnel deeper to form its final profile at the same time enlarging the steering column passage. He has also made a start rescuing some of the original parts, particularly the master cylinders. Having seen the extremely poor quality modern equivalents together with listening constantly to ‘experts’ within the trade maintaining that ‘old’ is best, we have decided to revive as many parts as it is possible from the 1970’s car. The basic raw materials employed almost 40 years ago have a superior constitution having unquestionably been machined to a much higher standard. The clutch and brake master cylinders are one such example. Rimmers offered a master cylinder that had a plastic 90 degree reservoir boasting a badly crafted shoddy barrel, probably better suited to a tractor. The trunnions were fashioned from very inferior lightweight brass and the brake pads were probably made from grass. The regulator connectors were bent, cobbled together with fragile, mild metal, reminiscent of a used coke can. The process of restoration is not unduly difficult but it is time consuming: procedures can be duplicated on most engineered units which in the long term could claw back lost time, but more importantly save on expensive alternatives. The outer coat of rust and grime is first of all removed with a wire brush followed by 150’s, 600 and finally 1200s wet and dry paper. A mild rub of ‘T’ cut gives the piece its ‘aged’ gloss and Hey Presto a brand new, ‘out of the box’ component sits before you. Apart from having a genuine ‘Stanpart’ on the vehicle there is tremendous feeling of personal satisfaction gained from such an exercise: resurrecting life into something that has been far too easily discarded, prematurely pronounced dead and gone.

I have made contact with John of James Paddock. He, like everyone else we have encountered, claims, albeit in a much more modest tone, to have everything that we require at a very competitive price. The company is based in Chester, as such very accessible. I briefly explained the predicament that we had suffered with the former definitive order to which John curiously replied, “I seem to have a lot of customers from Lincoln”. Enough said. He can offer a 10% trade discount on already tasty, reasonable prices. I intend compiling a list of parts which I shall forward tomorrow.

This has been a successful day. It has been a long time coming but I sense that we have turned the corner we have re-discovered our concentration, focus and determination. 

It can only get worse.

Thurs.21.09.06. We have had another day sifting through the Rimmers order attempting to compile the final cull. Chris has made further contact with Mark at Jigsaw Racing. As well as being able to supply excellent engine components he can also access most of the Triumph range of parts. 

He understands that Rimmer Brothers have let us down badly and claims that the parts that he sells are of the highest quality. Given this latest information we have been extremely ruthless increasing the level of the returned goods. Even the recognised quality branded products such as Spax, Automec and Borg and Beck will be sent back as a protest against the shite they had the audacity to send. Being prudent, it was necessary to verify their ‘returns’ policy so as not to fall foul of penalty clauses, before re-packing the order, so I spoke to Andrew Monday to clarify the procedure. It was at this point that Chris became impatient impressing, rather forcefully, upon Andrew that we were ‘more than’ disappointed with the quality of many of their products: but his experience was sufficient when he shrewdly repelled the assault by “I shall investigate this thoroughly and phone you back straight away, routine”. “Listen, you don’t need to investigate anything, your stuff is shite and it is going straight back”, Chris plainly pointed out.

It was still not clear as to how the goods should be effectively returned so I contacted Rimmers once more, via ‘Toby’. He vouched that everything we were not happy with could be returned, without exception. The full value of the parts would be met, without question. “Provide the relevant paper work and the reimbursement process would be initiated immediately without prejudice or argument”. I suppose that sounds fair enough, I thought, but I had forgotten that the quotation in June was approximately 10% less than the present invoice and that the total amount shown was £1997.17 when a cheque for £2065.68. had been posted to Rimmers five days earlier. Chris seized upon this ‘small detail’ to take issue with the smug Toby who again promised to ‘look into it’. His tone became very patronising when he reminded us that the original order was placed in June, naturally there had since been a price increase. “Send the friggin’ lot back, I’m not standing for this, they are just fuckin’ cowboys, like the rest!” And so Rimmers list was enlarged once more. We did salvage the worthwhile products of genuine quality but it certainly was an exercise in damage limitation. The more that we sent back the less hurt we would suffer from the price hike but it would also be foolish to return everything when we still needed to source those basic bread and butter items.    

On a brighter note the positive conversation with Jigsaw Racing lifted the day. Mark articulated with knowledge and, hopefully, honesty. Coming from a race background he was able to describe with experienced authority as to how the Burlington should be set up. The correctly weighted springs, shockers and other factors he knows, from first hand that would be perfect for the vehicle. He could comfortably converse about spring to weight ratios, load dispersal, negative and positive camber, the appropriate cylinder head, four-branch banana manifold and twin piped stainless steel exhaust systems. He could access brilliantly machined parts from Germany and the UK, “none of your far eastern muck” and, just as everyone else claimed, he would be generously competitive on all prices. I wonder if we have at last found a ‘diamond’ or yet another ‘dog turd’?

The day had been virtually rescued but there still hung an air of despondency in the garage. My next day tasks were to complete all the paperwork, do the maths on the bits that we are to retain, gather all past correspondence with Rimmers and last but not least, contact Chic Doig who may have a LHD steering rack. This component needs to be sourced immediately as this vital ingredient should move the project forward. The returned stock list could also double as an order request for Jigsaw Racing or even, Chic. I looked forward to a morning of infinite spreadsheets, endless databases and nonstop laborious number crunching. Pas problem.       

Bad day at Black Rock

Weds.20.09.06. Chris Turner of Simmals has arranged for a ‘good and proper’ sheet of aluminium to be delivered to Catterall and Wood of Chorley (Alan, Chris) so that the engine panels can be made up properly. Alan will be in touch as soon as he has received the materials. He has also requested a personal visit so that the intricacies of the work can be explained in detail. This professional contact is quite refreshing, as we don’t want any more screw-ups. 

The news that the order from Rimmers would arrive imminently has been long awaited. Two large, heavy cardboard boxes were lifted into the garage to be excitedly opened. But the day took a decided down turn after box after box of components were unwrapped. There was a peculiar mixture of quite excellent replacement parts but an equal amount of dreadful, badly made, totally inferior parts. As the contents of each box were emptied there were groans of disgust from Chris who by now was becoming increasingly wound up. “I specifically asked for top, top, top quality and they have sent us absolute shite: I’ll say it again, you can’t trust anyone these days, it’s just a joke, I’m disgusted!” so, consistently after each examination the all-encompassing purple hue steadily crept from neck to forehead revealing his unhealthy complexion, progressively budding, deeper in colour. 

The steering rack and the anti-roll suffered the worst of this onslaught. “Where has this friggin’ thing been made and by whom: the workmanship and the steel are shite!” The actual steering rack had been made from a strange melange of metals, none of which appeared to have any substance. The gaiters were flattened by the packaging and could not be resuscitated, at each end there were different gauge threads: a separate tube of different metal hid the actual rack mechanism. This was by far the most hideous piece of kit that we had received but other items emerged later of comparative shiteness: there were parts of the order that were missing, many of the prices did not relate to the ones originally quoted and some of the parts were not even for a Triumph vehicle. The mood was one of anger, disappointment and disbelief. Rimmer Brothers have dealt us a serious blow. Of course, the crap parts will be sent back but the delay in sourcing alternatives will become a mother of a headache. 

Nutty Steve, Sheffield Richard, The Sheepdips of Whittle-le-Woods and Chic Doig of Glasgow may be given parole from the ‘fuck off’ bin if this component crisis cannot be rectified.          

Chris’s temperament grew blacker the more the ‘tuttle’ sank in, his despair was deeply apparent. It was impossible not to be anything but completely depressed after today’s events. It will be very difficult to raise the spirits after this kick in the stones.  

Nikki, Knocker, Lou

Mon.18.09.06. The hangover that was the weekend has drifted into today. There has been little or no work on the project. I have not returned the pieces of scrap to Steve, taken the engine panels to Simmals or received any of the long awaited, wonderful components from Rimmers. Bad Karma.                  

Tues.19.09.06. Progress has been negligible again today. Waiting for the new components to arrive has created a state of inertia diverting our attentions away from the vital ‘on going’ tasks. During the morning, I finally manage to telephone Steve to deliver the bad news that I intended returning not only the seats but also the gearbox. I offered the rational that the position on the central section of the chassis, where the box would rest, was far too narrow to accommodate the overdrive unit. I couldn’t actually accuse jovial Steve of being a lying con merchant who only deals in scrap shite, which, in reality is the truth, so I wrapped it up in plausible gobble di gook. Expertly, Steve reposted my request deftly claiming at the moment and for the next six days, he is short of cash, plus he was working by himself all week meaning he was unable to ‘get to’ the bank, finally punctuated by ‘could I call sometime in the future’. I would guess the likelihood of recovering the £300 will prove to be somewhat difficult, but according to Chris I have ‘no fuckin’ chance’.

In the afternoon I met Chris Turner of Simmals to explain exactly how the engine panels should be covered. I related the appalling experience with Andy at R and G repeating that we didn’t want the same atrocious craftsmanship but wanted perfection. This information appeared to throw Chris; he seemed quite anxious, as if he could not deliver. However, he produced a rough drawing, confirmed the correct gauge of the aluminium, 1.2 on the inner and 1.5 on the outer profile and was prepared to send all this data to a reliable company who specialise in this field. He would produce a quote combined with a timeframe for the work, lastly stating confidently he would contact us within s few days providing the estimate or, better still applying the present terminology, a ‘budget statement’. By not using the word ‘quote’ allows for discrepancies in the cost as well as time. The ‘term’ absolves the contractor from any fixed obligation. In other words “they can charge what they want and take as much time as they want, fuckin’ beltin” exclaimed a sceptical boss. I always use the word ‘boss’ when I need to show respect.   

It has been another slow day. The project is in a state of limbo manifesting itself into a coma of disinterest. I am finding this quite bizarre considering all of the tedious preparation has been completed we should be genuinely excited entering this ‘new build’ stage of fulfilment and reward instead of collective inertia.   

The Oak has had a reprieve as we found ourselves discussing in the Roy Castle corner, once more debating the ups and downs of ‘Clubbers’ love life. He cautiously requested that everyone must be on his or her best behaviour at the weekend because he has invited a girlfriend, who he has actually only seen twice, into his nest in Wigan. He wants to impress this young lady so much that he would like to borrow a ‘fancy’ car from the extensive stock of CB Motors, feed the horses on his country estate, David’s farm, borrow one of Doctor Dave’s hand made swanky suits and cruise on Tim Hilton’s 40 foot boat on the Leeds Liverpool canal. Chris offered him a knackered Citroen AX, David mentioned that the horses definitely needed mucking out, Doctor Dave will gladly donate one of his Bombay suits and Tim has sold his boat. 

Knocker describes his new girlfriend as being, not lovely, but striking and eccentric, who incidentally, ‘talks for England’. Being bladdered on the only two occasions that he has been with her he does question whether or not he will be able to recognise her when she steps off the London train. Nevertheless and just for insurance purposes, he has ordered four packets of Viagra from ‘Nigel the smuggler’ for her two night stay.     

Trust is not enough

The response, after an autopsy had been performed on the box, was one that I had become accustomed to expect. “What do you think of this, Colin?” But, before Colin had an opportunity to reply Chris had already launched into his, by now, predictable incomprehensible tirade against the piece of shit that was offered as a quality replacement gearbox.

 “Look at the fuckin’ state of it, there’s hermatite holding it together, the outshaft is loose, it doesn’t have a gearstick, oil is pissing out of it, it has the wrong prop flange, it is an absolute piece of crap, you should never trust a scrap man, they are all liars and thieves, they couldn’t even lie straight in bed, fuckin’ conmen: you’ll have to take it back!” At this point I did recall that it really was not my idea to buy the box, having a perfectly sound, proven, guaranteed box of my own. I have always been confused even slightly baffled by the necessity to ‘shell out’ £250 for a risky, dodgy, totally unwarranted lump of rusting metal. I am sure that I would be much more of a Christian if I gave my money away to the homeless and destitute, the old and infirmed, the local cats and dogs refuge, the Monday club piss heads in Sam’s bar, every thirteen year old mother of two snotty screaming, malnourished sprogs, scummy, grubby tatooed chavs who throw litter gobbing in the streets, crusty, grey wrinklies who drive at 20fuckin’5miles an hour, the wide arsed fat fuckers who block the escalator at Tesco or even to those patronising, soap dodging fuckin’ students behind the bar at the Oak.

Once the dust had settled and the inquest was over, concerning the ‘box’, attentions were turned towards the ‘shagged out’ Spitfire seats. Covered in dirty, torn vinyl with broken crumbling frames they matched, perfectly, the condition of the box. No need to bother, I thought, they, like the box, will be returned on Monday. So, I had, yet again, been sent on mission impossible. Why is it only myself who seems to be aware of that fact?                                                                                               

 There is trouble ‘t mill at the Oak. Recently, the vault has not been it’s usual vibrant self. Numbers have dwindled, the atmosphere has evaporated; further adding to the destruction of the ozone layer, key staff, if there is such a thing, Fat Matt with his £1500 tattoo and Simon, piercing boy, have abandoned ship, serious questions are being asked about the quality of the beer. Most importantly, the drinking habits, the apparent lack of work commitment and sanity of The Doc have all been thoroughly examined. The hounds had scented blood on Sunday afternoon ruthlessly and systematically picking away at the present demise. The beer is flat, the pub is dirty, the odd drunken degenerate who was once accepted has become despised, the free tasty snacks are now more infrequent, the staff, who have always, justifiably, suffered poisonous criticism, are even more convincingly disinterested and Chris Doc is missing. The ship is rudderless and adrift.

There only remained Lowtie, Chris, Jo and I to strip the bones, clean the blood from the knives and jump ship to the Bowling Green where the inquest continued with persistent, unforgiving vigour. Lowtie claimed that the tasteless nature of the beer was due to ‘palette fade’ pointing to the fact that Chris, who was fast becoming the leading protagonist, had already consumed four pints of Tetleys in the Zoo bar at Sams’, had Stella, Deuchars and Draught Bass in the Oak and so was possibly suffering from a degenerative ‘en gout’ disorder. “That’s bollocks, listen, listen, no listen, I’ll tell you what ails me, I am pissed off with spending over 100 quid every week, drinking crap ale, being insulted by those fuckin’ lazy students; the fuckin’ tax dodgers and ‘pertinent and relevant’ talking shite. I’m never going in again!” Succinct and probably very true.      

Lessons learned

 Fri.15.09.06. I had made an early start so I was able to purchase two extra pieces of marine ply from Savoy Timbers to take to Richie’s workshop where he could fashion the new engine panels. The leading edge also needed rebating to accommodate the steel mounting brackets. 

The inferior aluminium had already been stripped from the former plywood panels but later it could be used to form the floor pan of the engine bay and the air deflectors. Naturally, the ‘finished article’ by Richie was impeccable but a ‘puzzled’ Chris could not understand why he had made such a dog’s breakfast of the previous work when he is obviously capable of such accuracy and quality. Colin will now re-draw the necessary plans for ‘Simmals’, our local supplier, who will provide first-rate aluminium along with equally appropriate workmanship.                                                                   

When Chris had left the garage for a moment I tentatively approached Colin regarding the possibility of cutting doors in the body tub. If we were spending so many man hours developing and amending the original design it would appear logical to make yet another bold decision to have ‘proper’ doors on the car. The prospect of not being able to drive the car ten years down the line because of creaking, aged weary tired bones effecting it impossible to climb into the fucker, has shaped this reasoning. Colin agreed the feasibility of such a major alteration was realistic provided the existing body tub foundation remained intact. Hidden door hinges could be incorporated into the design to ensure that the gentle curve of the side panels would not be interrupted: the door catches could also be hidden on the inside of the cockpit preserving the integrity of the original lines. The seed of this venture must be planted carefully, cunningly and cleverly so that it is actually Chris who initiates the modification. “Let’s go all the way and put some doors on, let’s make her into a proper car!” I await his proclamation.

The prospect of having an overdrive gearbox has resurfaced again, resulting in another exploratory visit to Nutty Steve under the guise of exchanging the clutch pedal for a brake pedal. Of course, the real reason for the journey was to acquire a pair of seats and an overdrive gearbox, both of which were hastily included in today’s schedule. 

Upon arrival I again requested the provenance of the box, as expected lying Steve repeated the bullshit story of driving down the dual carriageway to the roundabout several times validating that all the gears were sweet and that the overdrive mechanism ‘kicked in’ when required. A pair of shagged out seats were eagerly dragged from his leaking storeroom, an ‘export’ clutch pedal exchanged for yesterday’s mistake, £300 pressed into the grabbing hand of grateful Steve and I was back up the motorway to Westmead before ‘one’ could say, ‘mug, sucker, idiot, dumb fuckin’ knob head, will you never learn your lesson?’ 

Pedal box design

Thurs.14.09.06. Colin has been working on re-locating the pedal box. He intends to cut the bulk head to accommodate the three pedals. He has constructed the unit in such a way that an extra brake pedal will be used as a substitute accelerator, the pedals have also been moved forward into the footwell, so positioned to maximise accessibility plus comfort: the height from the footwell and the spacing being of paramount importance.

Colin insisted, rightly, that it would be necessary a complete mechanical dry build assembling the ancillaries, the water pump, radiator, master cylinders, manifold and carburettors, regulator box and coil. This would ensure that the fuel lines, brake pipes, water hoses and the wiring loom could be plotted successfully from one unit to another. Also to remind us, once more, of the scrupulous, considerate methods he employs to solve the numerous difficulties encountered. His approach has consequently provided some of the better solutions. Recalling the ‘fuck up’ of the scuttle top it seems he had been judged unfairly or simply misunderstood because every other piece of work he has carried out has been of the highest quality. He possesses tremendous technical ability in many fields. His welding is superb, his work with fibreglass is excellent, his engineering knowledge and practice displays great experience and together with his aesthetic sensitivity he can safely be called a true ‘motor car’ artisan.

Unlike Andy, who has had to hold his hands up to an awful job of the engine panels. I have had the onerous task of taking them back and making him several offers that he couldn’t refuse. First of all, please make a silk purse from a sow’s ear, second, give back £100.00 plus the scrap aluminium so that I can make a chicken shed, or thirdly just return the £140.00. I opened the meeting very diplomatically, “I feel genuinely embarrassed bringing these panels back but the guy who is supposed to be fitting them is unable to because they are the wrong size. The width at the top is uneven, the inside cannot be polished and the edges are rough. The boss is not pleased: what can we do about it? Do you suppose we can we rectify this matter? Can we mutually resolve this issue? How can we move on from this? Is it possible to think outside of the box with this one? Perhaps this problem is off the grid anyway?” Andy appeared uneasy, openly displaying bewilderment at my wordy delivery, but eventually he chose option B, he coughed up the £100.00 freely donating the crap Alli. When I returned from my ‘repossession job’ I was quickly directed to pick up a stainless steel water pump feeder pipe and an extra brake pedal from Nutty Steve. 

A request from Chris to buy a pair of seats together with an overdrive box was selectively ignored but I did manage to ‘suss out’ the condition of the said items yet knowing first hand that anything ‘major’ bought from Steve would probably be scrap, have absolutely no provenance but worst of all would likely be ‘daft money’. I returned with the pedal and the pipe. As expected, I guessed that something would be wrong: it was the pedal.  I had bought a clutch instead of a brake pedal.

An Oasis that is Life's Motors

Weds.13.09.06. This has been a big day for spending money. The orders for Rimmer Brothers (£2065.61) and SuperFlex (£168.91) have been posted this morning with a promise that the goods would be dispatched upon receipt of the cheques. Hopefully all the new components will arrive by Friday or Saturday. These formal requests should really ‘kick start’ the project. Graham is the ‘latest’ contact at ‘Life’s Motors’ in Southport. John has accidentally fallen off his ‘Harley’ whilst on holiday in Italy, breaking his ankle; he will not be in work for a further four weeks. Graham sounds very accommodating but he may not be comfortable to a cash bung or the Vat. Free atmosphere that John seems to promote. The rubber beading together with the rear light gaskets are new stock whereas the used chrome bumpers are not and as such are not subject to the dreaded 17.50% Vat, according to John. Unfortunately, Graham is the new kid on the block so rather than possibly ‘queering John’s pitch’ caution was the ‘watchword’ whilst negotiating the deal. I had phoned Graham as I approached the outskirts of Southport to ask if he could possibly gather the order together as I was running slightly late.

 “Of course”, was his response, but if I arrived after one o’clock he would not be there. I was reminded, fondly, that Life’s Motors must be the only car showroom in the UK that still closes for a traditional lunch hour. Old fashioned values, a timeless product to sell, years of experience (this is the oldest Morgan outlet in Britain), only having to deal with proper folk have combined to make this business quite unique. I had never met Graham before but he was everything that I expected. Probably in his mid sixties, rosy smiling face, thick grey hair conventionally styled and sporting the ‘corporate’ well worn faded blue Life’s Motors polo shirt draw together  by chest sized khaki ‘Farrahs’; he immediately led me to the swag that he had assembled. During the transaction he casually mentioned that the original garage was opposite the present site, the initial company had been established in 1923. I asked him politely how long he had worked at Life’s, to which he replied, modestly, not very long, only since 1965. As I was buttering up to Graham Jo was busy snapping away, busily gathering images of dashboards and interiors, all of which will be useful, when we eventually reach that stage of development.

The total bill, unfortunately including Vat., was £154.16 for all the parts. The bumpers alone would have been £250.00 each if I had wanted ‘brand new’, but the minor faults on the used ones at £50.00 each can be polished out or disguised in some way. The rubber beading came in at £21.00 and the gaskets and brackets at £9.00: all in all not a bad haul considering the pleasant, relaxed, helpful atmosphere at Life’s Motors.

The next stop of the day was to collect the engine panels from Andy at R and G Engineering. Andy was on site so I left £140.00 in his toolbox and eagerly hurried back to Westmead with the panels and the ‘Morgan bits’. “What the fuck are these!” Chris was suggesting that the cladding Andy had fashioned was no better than an apprentice or even worse that I could produce. “Just look at the way he’s cut the edges, I think he’s chewed it off, the faces aren’t even straight and the ‘alli’ that he’s used is ‘gash’, it’s throw away stuff! fuckin’ hell you can’t trust anyone these days!” I guessed that Chris was less than pleased with Andy’s workmanship, certainly after closer inspection I couldn’t help but agree. These panels were shite, they shall have to be returned. Chris, rightfully, had a fifteen minute rant but was quickly revived with the news that I had received during the morning from the DVLA.           

That sweety, Jean Beaver, (I fantasised to wonder whether she was blond or brunette, or if the upstairs bedroom carpet is the same colour as the dining room?) has been faithful to her word posting a copy of my registration document containing the chassis number and engine number of the Burlington. Chassis number GE 82631 SC and engine number GK 8152 HE. “There is a God!” exclaimed happy Chris.

Bonding with Martin

The basic order was agreed but then the peripheral requests needed to be addressed.                                                          “How does the rocker box feed kit attach to the rocker box cover?”                                          

“It doesn’t, there is a bleeder nut at the back of the cylinder head which unscrews and accommodates the feed”

“Bloody hell, that’s clever, why didn’t Triumph think of that?”

“You can’t change old technology or those old buggers that ran Triumph. It pumps loads of oil into the rocker box which is an advantage, but it advisable to fit rubber valve seats to prevent the engine from smoking, because there is simply too much oil”

“Thrust washers, +5 or +10?”

“You only need +5, and then it’s best to lightly rub them down with emery paper as they will probably be too thick”

“Rocker overhaul kit, is it tidy money?”

“Magic, for what it is and what it will do it’s very humble money: it will really make the top end of the engine much quieter. Remember a quiet engine is a happy engine”.    

“Left hand drive headlamps, Lucas originals, with back plates and chrome shroud?”

“You will probably need 7 inch with halogens, same price but better. This does not include a sidelight but you don’t need one with those bullet wing lights from Morgan”

“Do you have an extra brake pedal?”

“Yeah, it’s a re-con but I can throw that in for nothing”.

“I notice that you are advertising a KPH speedo on the front of your last promotions leaflet, the car will spend its life in France so we need the correct clocks: what’s your best price Martin?”

“You know, I didn’t know that we had any, I’ll just check. Here they are, £65.00, less discount £42.00”.

“Bloody hell, the Herald ones are only £6.00. Why is that?”

“We happen to have 600 of them and only 4 of the KPH”.

What is the quality of your spoked wheels, I have heard conflicting reports about them, are they made in this country?”

“No, they are made where the people are brown. They are OK if you don’t want to drive the car. When you tighten the spinners don’t use a hammer, it’s best to use a block of lard. If you drive the car don’t turn any corners because the hubs will snap,

oh, and the chrome does have a tendency of peeling off after about a month. Apart from that they are fine”.

“In that case I don’t think that we shall bother with that product”

 The conversation finished with both ends of the phone line chuckling. Chris was happy with the honest, forthright information and Martin was pleased with an order to the tune of £2065.68p. When Rimmers receive the cheque they will dispatch the order the same day.                     

Colin Brockbank arrived late in the day to measure the position of the pedals and to site the gear lever. To accomplish this exercise I needed to be sat in the car with the steering wheel and the seat in the correct position. An extra brake lever will be altered to fabricate an accelerator pedal to be welded together to form a proper pedal box. 

The gear lever will be moved forward to be directly parallel with the edge of the steering wheel. The stick will also be shortened for a much more direct feel. These are ‘race plus comfort’ refinements, defining the riding position of the driver.

The project has had a constructive injection of enthusiasm today. Bon.

Rubbing down with 80's

Tues.12.09.06. I have spoken to Jean Beaver at the Manchester branch of the DVLA requesting a copy of my logbook, registration certificate, so that I can show a potential buyer proof of ownership. This is of course is bullshit, but I explained that if this person did not want to purchase the car I would inform them of the outcome.

I can then arrange for the car to be inspected. I assumed that once I had made the request to the DVLA the process would take approximately six weeks. This is not strictly correct. It is reliant upon their inspectors being in the area: they could, in actuality, inspect within one week. This would make the juggling of the time frame much easier. I could delay making the phone call for yet another month. I am not entirely confident that this is a good or a bad option; we are already procrastinating with the project. Another excuse for a tardy completion date is not really desirable. 

However, Jean appeared very helpful and she promises to post a copy of my log book directly in the post. I shall not open a tin of chunks, or inform Chris, until I have it in my grubby, oil stained hands. 

Just when I thought all the rubbing down was complete Chris welcomed me with a piece of 80’s paper and asked if I could give the underside of the wings a ‘quick rub’. All of the small blemishes under the wings need to be removed in order that the primer and final painted surface remains smooth without pitting or fragments of glass fibre.

It’s a bloody horrible job but it does ensure that the underside of the wings do not harbour any road dirt that cannot be easily washed off. I was rescued later in the day by my insistence that the order for Rimmer Brothers must be dispatched. It was necessary to speak to Martin to confirm the top line price but also corroborate the definitive list. Having spoken to Martin earlier Chris had built up a certain rapport with someone who he regarded as knowledgeable about the subject. 

Black Bush

Fri.08.09.06. During the morning I contacted ‘Super Flex’ to source the cost of the polybush kit that the car requires. Far more common on modern competition vehicles these units were practically unheard of when the ‘Triumph’ was first engineered. I spoke to a knowledgeable guy called Chris who explained that it is necessary to have different tolerances and flexibility of bushes dependent upon their position within the car: much more rigid bushes on the wishbones and steering rack, conversely a more pliable composition of bush on the shock absorbers. The total quoted price was £168.90 including vat and trade discount. The quality of the bushes should greatly increase the stability of the vehicle, not merely a cosmetic option they should prove to be money well spent.

Colin has assessed the inconvenience against the advantages of re-locating the power unit. After a series of calculations when measurements were taken, chalk marks scribed on the crucial areas of the chassis, the prop shaft lifted into position and, finally, the differential bolted into place it was concluded that everything would function properly, confirming that this modification would indeed be a monumental engineering advance. A larger cut on the chassis would also enable the additional bulkier overdrive module to be incorporated within the drive train, another preference that had previously been discussed.

The marine ply engine side panels have been taken to Andy to be covered with 2mm gauge aluminium. Folds will be made on the top and bottom edges whilst both the front and rear ends will be left ‘proud’ allowing them to be bonded whilst in ‘situ’.    

With the passing of each week the car promises to be quite wonderful, but the deadline cannot now be met, nevertheless, I am confident that the eventual outcome will be worth waiting for.

Mon.11.09.06. The definitive requisition to Rimmer Brothers has eventually been perfected; to be confirmed tomorrow. The order includes all of the new components that should enable the car to be completed. A left hand drive steering rack, a Spitfire wiring loom and braided brake pipes are a specialist order but the remainder which includes all of the replacement wheel bearings, starter motor, alternator, regulator box, plugs, points, high tension leads, solenoid, brake pads and discs, anti roll bar and fitting kit, master and slave cylinders, Borg and Beck clutch, brake callipers and trunnions, water pump, thermostat and housing, engine and gear box rubber mountings, Spax adjustable shocks front and rear, all the fuel lines and chassis fittings. The engine block also requires new bearings plus piston rings. Having previously been bored out to +30 the corresponding rings and bearings need to be purchased, namely, -20 for the big end and -10 for the main bearing. There still remains a question mark over the cylinder head, whether or not to upgrade with larger valves and carburation for increased torque or to replace like for like: a decision can be made at later date when all of the potential advantages have been thoroughly assessed.

The final question that was asked of Martin, another Rimmer Brothers contact, alongside Chris, Dave, Andrew and Richard, concerned the provenance of the chassis. The plaque that was screwed to the box section was in fact the factory ID and not the actual chassis number. Not knowing this could put the entire project in serious jeopardy. The DVLA are in possession of the log book, which is the only source of accessing the number. If they refuse to return the log book there is no way of supplying the number to the local inspectors, who need to verify both engine and chassis number before the vehicle can be approved. We could be in deep shit. I shall phone tomorrow to request the return of the book. I look forward to a sleepless night.

Engine exploration

Thurs.07.09.06. The removal of the crank, cam and pistons have revealed that the engine components are in a remarkable condition considering the desperate environment the vehicle has been subjected to for the past fifteen years. 

There is little or no evidence of wear or damage to the crank, the pistons are in an excellent clean state and the shoulders on the cam have a high unblemished contour. The main and big end bearings are, again, unmarked. If the engine did have overheating problems the bearings have no visible ‘blue’ discolouration on the surface, this implies that it has been a minor fault that, fortunately, has not caused major damage to the internal workings of the engine. This is probably the best news that we have received for a long time. To return the original power unit to the car is a genuine bonus. Forty years old technology in fine shape is something to be proud of. The dry build using the empty block has been the main focus today, but when the engine unit was ‘offered up’ to the gearbox several problems immediately surfaced. 

The desire to gain a more central position, that is, by pushing the drive unit backwards to gain an extra 20cms, may not be possible. The open space which would normally accommodate the engine and box subsequently narrows to strengthen the spine of the chassis: this ‘re-location’ not only raises but also shifts the rear of the gearbox from its original mounting brackets. There seems to be two solutions to this problem, the first being to return to the previous engine location, but to fine tune ‘Haydn Davies’ spacer method with tidier, more suitable brackets. This would also mean that the gearbox brackets and the length of the prop would not require any alteration. The second solution is much more dynamic but also resolves the issue satisfactorily. This necessitates cutting and re-welding the chassis at the point where the bell housing meets the narrow section and begins to rise. A slot cut large enough to accommodate the dropping of the ‘housing’ together with the gearbox to establish an appropriate level plane. The prop could then be assembled to the universal joint incorporating the correct alignment. 

This procedure has definite ramifications, which must be thoroughly assessed before any decision is taken. The extent to which the chassis needs to be cut may drastically reduce its strength, the gearbox level may still be too high and the prop shaft would need to be shortened and balanced.

Colin Brockbank, super welder, has been summoned tomorrow to wave his magic wand to make this predicament disappear. We hope.         

Contrition

Weds.06.09.06. I have spent the morning mindlessly rust proofing the remaining suspension brackets principally the rear vertical links: throughout the exercise I had sufficient time to contemplate my day of contrition, utter misery total uselessness.

But, the prospect of re-locating the engine and box to a much more central area producing improved handling as well as advanced balance has lifted my spirits. It will mean further logistical difficulties but the potential advantages certainly outweigh the understandable time delays. Having had 24hrs to absorb the suggestions and advice of Chris and Colin these enhanced alterations must be attempted. The sheer amount of effort that has been spent developing the chassis together with establishing the lines of the perfect body cannot be devalued by simply ‘throwing back’ the original drive train. Once the modification had been recognised it cannot be ignored, the proposals must be energetically pursued with the exact same vigour as the earlier constructional tasks. A dry build must be undertaken to prove the theory. The crank, pistons and cam need to be removed from the block to lighten the load facilitating manoeuvrability. There will be alignment as well as space difficulties but a dry build should reveal all of these obstacles.

I had been fortified with the prospect of these imminent improvements but was quickly brought back down to earth when upon arriving at the workshop I noticed that the engine panels had been re-modelled. “We couldn’t have those shoddy bits of crap in the car, could we?” This was an instant reminder of ‘my bad day’ my penitence had served a purpose but I had not been totally cleansed. Chris had re-formed the panels removing the wavy, curly edges to produce straight parallel sides with symmetrical rounded corners. At this rate I shall be soon joining the rest of the fuckwits in the ‘fuck off bin’, but I know that if I don’t cough to the crime I may at least avoid humiliation.

Later in the afternoon I called at ‘Triumph Nuts’ for a closer examination of the wire wheels that were on offer at £325.00. I had earlier telephoned Peter Rhys of ‘Classic Wheels’ who provided precise information about ‘poor or proper, out of the box wheels’. 

The spokes of the wheels, 60 in total, are tapered towards the nipple end so that when they cross they do not chaff. Inferior wheels have simple steel rods which can touch often causing breakage in the future. The spokes are made from stainless steel covered by chrome, as are the nipples; this prevents rusting at the attachment points on the rim. The hubs are turned on the original ‘Dunlop’ machines, which Peter actually owns’ as are the spinners being finer yet sturdier than foreign imports. He boasts to have been in business for thirty years having had very few complaints about the product over that period. He can supply four and half inch chrome wire wheels for £155.00 each, hubs for £45.00 and manganese spinners for £100.00; the total package for £1050.00. This makes Steve’s five wires for £325.00 sound like a bargain. But the Chinese proverb of ‘good not cheap’ must be heeded. Armed with a better insight into the makeup of a superior product I inspected the wheels at ‘Nuts’. Sure enough there were signs of rust at the nipple ends and the spokes were not tapered. I have no choice but to bite the bullet and buy the best. 

However, the overdrive box offered at £250.00 is a possibility. Steve assures me that he had tested the gearing as well as the overdrive unit before stripping the car. He can personally guarantee that it is in full working order. Peut etre.

I left Westmead with another list to chase up, a box of suspension brackets to clean then paint, together with the hint of suspicion that Chris actually knows that I was responsible for the hatchet job on the panels. I hope I have got away with it.                            

Blame, guilt, retribution.

Tues.05.09.06. Colin Brockbank has been recalled to re-weld the rear of the chassis checking also for any other minor faults that have been missed. His work is always of a very high standard (apart from screwing up the scuttle), meticulous and effective. Colin also suggested a possible modification regarding the location and mounting of the engine. 

The reversal of the suspension turrets allows the drive train of the car to be moved back approximately 20cms dependent upon where the spacers are located. They were originally positioned within the frame of the turrets, which moved the engine back only 8cms: by fixing the spacers behind the turrets this would shift the entire drive train even more towards the centre of the car. The extent of this movement is also determined by the rear section of the engine compartment which prevents the bell housing from travelling any further. This modification would alter the weight distribution of the car. The more central the drive unit is located, the greater the effect it has upon the handling plus the balance of the car. The bulk of the weight will then be behind the front suspension making the steering of the car lighter and more responsive. The mounting brackets that support the engine will be secured by fixed shrouded bolts that pass through the original location points on the turrets. These will be welded to form a strong and permanent platform on which to hang the engine.

When I arrived at Westmead I was met with an air of excitement as all of these potential improvements had already been discussed together with the renewed enthusiasm to fit an overdrive gearbox. I must confess the advantages of a lower revving car on the beautiful sweeping roads of France sounds very attractive, certainly very practical. However, I was rapidly brought back down to earth when, after close scrutiny, the short comings of the engine panels were exposed. To save time I had in fact crudely fabricated these in my cellar instead of passing them on to Richie as promised. “Fuck me Colin, look at the state of this edge, it’s all over the place, was Richie pissed when he cut these? He’s not even rounded the corners, these are shite, it doesn’t look like the same bloke who made the prototypes, has done these, they are fuckin’ awful!” I instantly intervened, offering to take them back so that they could be re-cut (this time actually by Richie) but Chris was happier, for at least the next fifteen minutes, condemning the poor workmanship. This plunged me into the ‘slough of despond’. Not only had I claimed that Richie was responsible for the work I didn’t even have the bottle to ‘fess up’ to the deception. 

The more that Chris ranted on about the panels the more I felt guilty, truly ashamed. I began to experience ‘body shutdown’, a la Mad John’, timidly withdrawing shamefaced into a corner. Chris quickly recognised my depression but wrongly assumed it was due to the addition of even more alterations emanating in more delays, which in turn would prevent the car would from being completed before the Beaujolais run. Little does he know that I have already accepted the impossibility of the time frame: my immediate mood was born out of worthlessness and self-pity.

Today has been a very low point. My sloppy workmanship has been thoroughly exposed but to my discredit I have cowardly rested the blame onto a good friend.