Potato and meat pies

Sun.28.09.08. Apparently the party continued in the hotel until 7am consisting of the travelling contingent. As David, Chris, Preacher and Paul approached ‘Sams’ for the Sunday 5 pint sprint they witnessed Dave leaving to join his friends back at the Oak Hotel. The sprint would now be at a split venue, it was irresistible to miss the fragile condition of his global guests. By midday the bar had opened immediately being filled with busty blond, the ape, ‘Sil’ the Costa Rican medicine man, Pernil, Chrissie (an ex) accompanied by two Ghanaian drummers (I’m not really sure from where the second drummer emerged). They were all seemingly unaffected by only having had 3 hours sleep and possibly enough booze to sink a boat. The ‘ape’ was the blonds’ husband but not the gentle giant he at first appeared. He reminded everyone that once he had been refused a drink in a bar in Jersey on the grounds that they had ‘no’ beer. “Well then” he replied “you won’t be needing the pumps”. He then proceeded to smash each beer tower until all twelve had been destroyed. “I suppose I shall now have to move to a pub that has got some beer”.

Dave had hosted a great party; he had lasted the distance without falling out with anyone; he continued this tolerant demeanour until he ordered a round of drinks in the Oak, but when the unfortunate barmaid misunderstood his generosity after he requested she take a drink for herself the red mist descended, he cursed, yelled, bawling at the innocent girl as if she had in fact over charged him or at worst snubbed him instead, simply not having heard what he had said. After a few puffs on Jo’s fag he calmed down, peace prevailed.

Lowtie had a little earlier raised the goalposts when he staged a bold prank by substituting the latest consignment of imported potato and meat pies, sold to Chris, with bundles of torn paper. He then feigned an argument with Chris stating firmly that he would not tolerate any more puerile criticism from Billy Green, the socialist lawyer or his communist mates. He threw the bag of pies on the floor then proceeded to jump all over them. The blue touch paper had been lit but no one really knew how Chris would react. There was a clearing of throats, a nervous rub around the collar, several scratches of the cheek, but not a sign of the expected explosion. As we looked on there was quiet as Chris picked up the mangled bag, he began to tut, simultaneously rolling his eyes, his clocks working overtime in a vain attempt to rescue his stunned embarrassment. The Preacher came to his aid consoling him stating that he felt it was a childish unchristian act; at least Lowtie should not only apologise but also replace the bag of pies. Remaining faithful to the character he bellowed, “I’ll do no such thing!” quickly followed by, “I shall merely give him back his own pies”. Still bemused, even now, Chris could not compute the joke, the wads of paper secretly being switched back for the intact grub. The magician had pulverised the watch but the fool from the audience had not understood how it found its way back on his wrist. 

We left not long after both events as by now the Doc was becoming pertinent and relevant, larger cracks were appearing in Dave’s façade, Billy with Lowtie were celebrating their coup, but more significantly, in a dark corner in the ‘office’ Chris was plotting his revenge. 

Doctor Dave's 60th party

Sat.27.09.08. As promised the new sender has arrived and it has been fitted by Chris. The new badge, kindly sent by Haydn Davies, has been sprayed and polished ready to be placed on the body of the car.

Tonight is the evening of Doctor Dave’s 60^th birthday party to be held at St.Pats’ Social Club. In true fashion he has invited the world and his wife: but in this case ‘wives’ both past and present. There will be two bands, a female club singer and a Ghanaian drummer, hot pot for 150 people, the bar will be open until everyone has had enough, guests from ‘awl ova the world’, fancy dress being optional. Pressure had been building for most of the week, the tension rising as he didn’t want his two worlds colliding, both from the past and present.  

By 8 o’clock no guests had arrived, the room was totally empty, an adjacent room was full of rugby lads who had just returned from a successful journey to Hull where they had clawed, bitten and battered their way to a victory. They had been over served, they were becoming unnecessarily noisy. The backline for both bands had been set up, sound checks quickly completed. My band was to kick off the evening, but when? Dave arrived with his drinking buddies from the afternoon, his aged and only living relative auntie Ann plus one of his past and present girlfriends, Pernil from Denmark. Slowly but surely his guests began to arrive; David and Adele, Lowtie, daughter, son and Sheila, Preacher and Carole, Kenny and Norma, Chris, Big Geoff plus new bride along with other motor traders, Ash and his mate, faces from the past and present; all parties would ensure the evening would be a success.  

Half way through our set the female club singer arrived with her chaperone, a trampy bleached blond with enormous breasts which she proudly displayed 8 inches in front of her building line. Black low cut frock, shades, high heel sneakers, cheap jewellery rattling, every head turned, no one noticed her giant pet ape at the bar ordering the drinks. For what ever reason the set went well, the good Doctor joining us for ‘walking the dog’ and ‘hoochie coochie man’  to conclude our contribution to the night. Grabbing my gear from the stage, packing it away quickly I managed to load the car before the club singer had finished murdering ‘I will survive’ and ‘that fuckin’ song from Titanic’. I returned to discover she was only half way through her set encouraged on by her small posse of primary school jail bait, tottering around the dance floor swaying unsteadily from the effects of cheap cider and blue pop. The lady with the big tits was putting herself around using every opportunity to bounce her ample chest to the rhythm of ‘girls just wanna have fun’. Dave was remarkably in control, not falling about paying close attention to his Danish visitor, Pernil, who in the past has proved to be unpredictable at best. The club singer finally gave it up after 3 encores but promised to return if requested. By the time ‘Enoch’ the master drummer from Ghana had banged out a few ‘sea shanties’ as he referred to his material; I had joined the smokers outside toward the rear of the building. The blond joined us met by a greeting from ‘Winston’ who requested the proposal of buying one of puppies with the pink nose, to which she responded by displaying the left one with pink nose. She certainly held every ones attention, strutting up and down, raising her skirt just high enough whilst squatting down, legs apart. All the males in the company suddenly remembered various ‘breast’ experiences from their past but all agreed that they had never witnessed such a bold pair. But, it is always difficult playing catch up when all about you are talking shite under the influence of too much ale so I made my way to the quieter end of the bar to enjoy the first six numbers from ‘Billy and the Temperamentals’ which, against all expectations was quite acceptable, if not really supreme considering their usual disorganised debacles. The evening was becoming a great celebration, the entertainment had sufficient spread to please all, the hotpot was troughed, the bar remained open, but most surprisingly, Dave remained in control, flowing from one group to another like a professional, perfect host. The disaster that we all expected never happened. People danced, mainly foolishly but no one cared, the odd drunk stumbled, the jailbait substituted adolescent gropings from their male counterparts to hugging and kissing each other, the blond together with Ash gave a perfect display of dirty dancing while the ape propped up the bar, Lowtie’s undercarriage remained intact, the band got stronger, even Winston faultlessly completed the construction of a shed,  with the ‘Doc’ still sober their confidence grew carrying more unsure bodies to the floor. It had been a memorable night as much for the lack of incident; it had been a normal party. The following day’s inquest may be a different matter. 

Wheels and springs

 

Fri.26.09.08. One small problem with the sender unit to the oil pressure gauge has sullied Dick’s supreme satisfaction of being able to have every conceivable component receiving power and operating at its optimum. Mary from Europa kindly forwarded a wiring diagram but this also proved to be unsuccessful. It was then realised that the actual sender did not match the Smiths classic range gauge and so a completely new unit has been dispatched: unfortunately at a cost of £39.50 as opposed to £23.62 for the original component. At least Dick can claim his well earned prize of being ‘top electrician, spanner man and budding philosopher’.

The front spring fiasco rumbles on with alternate calls to Rimmer Brothers, Max, Sheffield springs and Paddocks. The latest investigation is the pursuit of the alternative ‘Dolomite’ rear spring option. But I have been offered quite different information regarding the specifications as well as the suitability of both springs. If, I am to believe Rimmers a Dolomite spring has a free length of 11 inches with an ID of  2.65 inches with a rating of 140lbs. However Max questions the free length claiming the it is much longer than a conventional Spitfire front spring which comes in at 13.2 inches with a ‘Doli’ rear spring being at least 15 inches long with a rating of 160lbs. Rimmers also claim that the only Spitfire spring that is available is for the Mk 4 whereas Max has several Mk3 for sale. The price differential is about £10.00, the Spit spring at £33.90 whilst the Doli at £44.50. I really don’t give a flying fuck about the 10 quid at this stage in the project, especially considering at the moment I could have a Porsche Boxster for the financial outlay on the car, I just want to trust someone to confidently deliver the correct information about this fuckin’ front spring.

On a lighter note, I have had a cheery conversation with Adrian at ‘Minilite’ wheels. Claiming to be the main manufacturer of the wheels for the past fifteen years, as Minilite themselves don’t actual produce ‘anything’ anymore, he feels he is in the strongest position to speculate as to which of their extensive range would be the most suitable for our needs. He has suggested that the ‘MA’ style from their extensive range would be appropriate. 

This originates from the ‘sixties’ when the wheels were first introduced into ‘racing circles’ having a smaller hub centre with longer spokes. Not any more made from a mixture of magnesium and ‘alloys’ they now are a purely aluminium based product; the prohibitive cost of the ‘mag’ being a principal and obvious factor. He has narrowed the choice down to two sizes of rim. The first being the conventional size for the Spitfire range of 5.5x 13 but the more adventurous of 5.5 x 14 could be a more daring option perhaps, not just offering greater wheel area, enhancing the visual effect, but also filling the wheel arches and the sweeping lines of the wings comfortably, without appearing cumbersome and tacky. Again cost at this stage seems more and more insignificant, particularly with something as important and dynamic as the wheels. The 13 inch wheels come in at £82.00 whilst the 14’s are £99.00. Opting for the 14’s with a discount of 20% and the dreaded vat each wheel would cost £92.08, making 5 cost £460.40, with delivery, a total cost of £482.90. Having laboured with the contest between ‘Wires’ versus ‘Minilites’, even apart from price, this must be the best choice; with, most essentially, the dubious provenance of many of the wire wheels on the market being a key factor.  

A bloke multi-tasking?

Thurs.25.09.08. Oddly enough I have encountered greater problems whilst in France than I ever expected to find upon my return; but that’s another story. Chris has had a very productive period employing the talents of ‘Brockie’ yet again and also Dick, the wonder boy of auto electrics. Colin has been recruited to tackle all the tricky technical stuff involving minor areas of welding as well as crawling underneath the car to produce miracles from seemingly impossible angles. Two of which have been creating an acceptable, attractive method of attaching the dashboard to the scuttle top then diversely, connecting the petrol tank to the filler cap. By offering up the dash to the scuttle, pre-drilling locating holes it was then an easy job to weld retaining bolts to the back of the flanges at each end of the back scuttle. All that remains is the appropriate selection of the decorative nut which will secure the dash to the frame of the scuttle.

Secondly, the problem of the connection between the petrol filler hose and cap has finally been tackled. A relatively simple task on most vehicles but typically the Burlington has been stubborn, difficult needing precise cuts at various lengths and contours to achieve a smooth effective link. Such tasks have haunted Chris for more the several months. Just like any other distasteful laborious job that requires mustering up enthusiasm with measured consideration finally concluding with apparently very little satisfying closure, but nevertheless extremely crucial, contributing a fundamental addition to the whole. It is a little like ‘unblocking drains’ when one cannot guarantee finding oneself in strange contorted body positions, yet simultaneously haunted by the risk of being suddenly drenched in shite. Brockbank has completed the snagging list that Chris has been avoiding for many months. Having these tasks completed, by proxy, has lifted the 50lb lead jacket from his back.

Meanwhile, Dick continues to perform equally wonderful tasks with the electrics, literally every switch, gauge, clock, bulb, functioning at its optimum. The engine has been turned over, without oil and fuel; but by achieving this, another milestone has been reached. The dreadful worry that water would piss out of every orifice has since been rendered to a misdemeanour. The different metals expanding by the application of local heat: they at present are sealed and given the imminent firing up of the unit the core plugs should remain watertight for good.   

Expansion and contraction

                                       Burlington Diary September 2008 

The parts ordered during last week have mostly drifted into Westmead. Paddocks have replaced the horn but cannot find any evidence of the purchase of the incorrect regulator; bringing us to the conclusion that it was in fact acquired via Rimmers. Having checked the initial invoice from Rimmers with its endless corrections it is unclear whether or not it was supplied by them. But the mere fact that it was the wrong part, actually for a 6 cylinder Vitesse, indicates that it was sourced by Rimmers. Speaking of which, as I suspected, the stub stacks have arrived. Apparently manufactured by K and N but possibly made in some sweat shop in Taiwan. They are very poorly made, very coarse, crudely fashioned, but they can be rescued. The screws ordered from Alfred Derbyshire have not arrived but having spoken to ‘Andrew’ he assures me that they were dispatched on Thursday but if there is a doubt he will repeat the order despatching an identical quantity tonight. The pancake filters themselves are in transit, Dean of ‘Tunit’ is attempting to catch the post last night.

Chris has been brewing up a problem for the last week, systematically burbling away confined to the rear ‘spaces’ of his head. There has been a mysterious loss of water from various sections of the engine. Dick has been able to explain the difficulty. It is all to do with the way that metals expand then naturally contract. The core plugs have worked loose because, unless the engine is fired up to become hot, to subsequently cool later, to expand and contract in the block, the process of fusion cannot take place. The composition of the light alloy metal within the plugs would normally expand at a faster rate than the base iron of the block facilitating a tight seal but since the engine has been stood down for almost two years this procedure has not occurred. The water pump gasket and the water pump housing to the head gasket has suffered the same malaise consequently water is weeping from any orifice it can find creating rusty deposits where droplets land. Dick maintains that, “We must get the engine fired up as quickly as possible, if we are to prevent even more problems.” Unfortunately, and possibly likely, is the worst scenario; which is ‘cracked block’ syndrome.

If this is the case we shall need a new block, remove then later re-build the entire engine again, inform the DVLA that we have changed the unit then I shall have to shoot Brockbank who built the fucking thing in the first place. I cannot imagine that the block is cracked but I have learned not to take anything for granted.

I depart for France tomorrow for another 3 weeks. I have no idea what to expect when I return.  

Back to the project

Tues.26.08.08. Chris Catterall has re-welded the leaking water linkage pipe that had been damaged having been repeatedly re-fitted.  Coverdale’s has completed the small selection of carpets that required binding at a meagre cost of £30.00. I have initiated a small order from Europa for the voltage gauge plus the chrome rectangular handbrake surround, £62.00. The springs issue still remain unresolved but Andy has located 120lbsx10.5 free length with an ID of 2.25 at a cost of £20.00 each. However, Rimmers, typically, cannot tell us if they will fit the Spax shockers that they supplied over a century ago. 

Weds.27.08.08. It has been necessary to purchase another 2 cans of the carpet spray adhesive to finish off the remaining side panels. After much net searching for the KN pancake filters it was yet another twist of fate that led me to discover that the central headquarters for the company is in fact located in John street, Warrington, 01925 636 950. 

Unfortunately, they will not supply to the trade using only recognised dealers. They recommended ‘Revolution’ on Tyneside, 0845 002 3000. Keith gave me a very competitive price of £72.26+vat+£8.00 package and postage. However, just up the road in Chorley at ‘Tunit’ Dean offered the same product at a total price of £77.52. It’s such a shame that I have only recently discovered the power of the net. Why?

Chris had arranged for me to collect the alloy handbrake grip from Christopher Neils later in the afternoon. ‘Don’, was my contact person but he was not available. Luckily he had left the relevant part at the service desk with a colleague. It is a finely milled piece of kit coming in at a cost of £26.32 it was a steal. I later noticed that there had been a 60% discount making the actual retail price £56.00. “It’s the profit that makes things expensive,” as Chris would always remark.

Thurs.28.08.08.Yet another ordering day in an attempt to tie up all the loose ends before I return to France for another 3 weeks. The remaining 4 dashboard lights were acquired from Wallgate motors for £2.26., the 30 decorative raised headed screws have been ordered from Alfred Derbyshire at a cost of £5.00 and the stub stacks to match the K and N filters from Rimmers at £31.42. I did vow never to buy anything from Rimmers again but they are the only supplier that I can find that stock these small stubs. The dumb aspect of this transaction is that I know when these items arrive they will have been manufactured from shite.      

    

Ash's Oak 40th

By 9.30 the Oak was in full swing. The hog roast had been devoured having been thoroughly appreciated; there was laughter, conversation, empty glasses and rising smoke. It was a happy beer garden. The band, unfortunately, were chaotically lurching from one number to the next. The absence of John Lewis who normally could gently orchestrate, smoothly moulding the diverse egos into something resembling a harmonious unit meant that there was a distinct lack of balance between each instrument. The sound resembled the proverbial ‘fire in a pet shop’. Lyrics and keys were forgotten, guitars were out of tune, the audience had been lost. The final number rescued a dismal display. Tom Petty’s classic ‘I’m so lonely’ featured Ian Thornley on banjo, banging out the melody: a very odd, bizarre concept, but it worked. ‘Ash’ thanked everyone, especially his wife, before the party slipped back into the pub to pack the Roy Castle corner.

The jam session began with Andy and Richie knocking up some blues standards but they were stopped in their tracks when Derek produced his accordion. Being the father of the ‘Doc’ it goes without saying that they originate from the same gene pool thus possess many of the same traits. Sitting on a bar stool he began to play. Spending much of the winter on Tenerife he has built up a network of bar room residences where he exchanges performances for beer and small sums of euros. How the fuck he does it is a total mystery to me. Gripping the sides of the instrument with both hands squeezing occasionally, a groaning faintly organ-like droan is expelled. Completely devoid of any melody or rhythm he is capable of perpetuating this delivery for a minimum of 8 hours. Andy left at 6am full of blue bols and brandy sadly humming ‘we’ll meet again’.

Sunday became the afternoon for confession. Each culprit was in unmitigated denial. Doctor Dave vaguely remembers inviting Adele to bed, Knocker claims to have kept his clothes on, Lowtie was still experiencing flashbacks rolling his eyes inside his head to blank out the bleaker moments, Chris felt that he had maintained his role of the ‘listener’ throughout the entire evening, Mick boasted that “’ee didn’t give a fack what anybody fought; anyway, who was that fat bird wiv the big arse?” But the cracks in their arguments began to show as the ‘Stella’ flowed. But, today is another day and, in turn, every ones mind drifted back to the present. Dave sensed the smell of ‘woman’; yes, she did have two arms, two legs and a pulse: that was enough, all the required elements in place. She was also a divorcée who had a villa in Turkey, perfect. Lowtie began to wind up Chris with a fictitious incident from the night before, Mick was informing the group about a huge contract which begins next week, “yeh, ten grand foa free days work”, the Doc unsurprisingly descended into his ‘pertinent and relevant’ mode by raising his finger to June to exclaim that if Oliver Reed had drunk as much as he had he would be in a coma, Knocker began to strip, Jo and I went home for tea.

Party

Sun.24.08.08. It has been a bank holiday weekend crammed with barbeques and music. We have experienced possibly the worst summer on record with relentless windy rain filled days. The habit of ‘eating outside’, long balmy evenings, shorts and ‘T’ shirts has never materialised. So, the prospect of a Saturday evening soiree at David’s farm was embraced with trepidation. The same evening was also being celebrated with a beer garden party at the Oak for ‘Ash’. It was his fortieth birthday: a marquee erected, hog roast tent, balloons, ribbons, candles with the music provided by ‘Billy and the Temperamentals’. It was our intention to honour both invitations. We would divide our time equally being careful not to peak too, early practising self-control we were determined to enjoy both parties. David had arranged the rear garden assembling a collection of tented spaces to create sheltered protected areas; several tables were guarded from potential downpours plus the prevailing gusting winds by large umbrellas. The bar was also covered by a retractable awning enabling serious drinkers a permanently dry corner to ‘swali’ in peace. Moving around from one area to another was facilitated using hand held brollies, as much to protect the ladies hair and frocks rather than a genuine practical solution.

Arriving around 5pm the party was just about to begin. Close family were in attendance. Uncle John, aunt Joyce, cousins Andrew and Paul, elder sister Emma, younger sister Ashlyn, various younger people neither of us knew. Paul, ‘of big word fame’, ‘a Southpork founder member’ and a ‘6am drinking buddy of the Doc’s’ had been given the task of manning the barbeque. He has a decent reputation in this sphere of culinary prowess successfully producing protein that has not suffered from an over enthusiastic use of fire, delivered to the plate not resembling cremated organic remains. Adele and David are perfect hosts: ensuring that everyone feels comfortable to help themselves at the bar, introducing the guests to each other but additionally having the ability to effortlessly foster a relaxed informal gathering. ‘The girls’ have inherited this knack of floating in between the disparate bodies affecting conversation, engaging strangers with natural ease.

After a brief, miserable downpour the dark clouds passed over brightening up the congregation. More people streamed up the drive entering into the garden, by 7.30 the group had swollen. There were some familiar faces but many were new or forgotten. The gang form the Oak were the last to arrive each carrying bulging bags and boxes of booze. Typically Mick had organised the Preacher, Chris and Doctor Dave by earlier purchasing a case of vintage Rioja, a few bottles of Auslese complimented by equal amounts of Chardonnay. Lowtie and Sheila carried tins and a ‘football’ of Merlot, Knocker hugged a ‘malt’, his pockets secreting the last few tabs of Viagra, just like the motto of the scouts he was ‘prepared’. The case of Rioja was cracked immediately, three bottles consumed with 15 minutes; the glasses were large the appetites even grander. Chris, never having bought any clothes for 20 years, had to run the gauntlet of constant jibes, his 80’s chest size black strides suffered the bulk of the insults, the hole in his shirt remained unnoticed. For once Doctor Dave, who was sporting his white pin stripped suit, was not the focus of attention apart from discreet glances from guests who had never met him before. We managed to leave slightly later than scheduled, the friendly faces and banter preventing an earlier exit. The post analysis revealed the usual indiscretions. As early as 11pm Lowtie was finished, his wheels had fallen off, his undercarriage had given way. Sheila was forced to prop him against the wall to prevent him from collapsing into a complete heap. Doors were not wide enough anymore, Lowtie approached them snakelike with liquid legs, crab fashion grasping his opportunity to slide through before the opening shut completely. He made it to the taxi but the driver refused him entry claiming that he had never seen any person in such a drunken state. Diplomacy, folding money, a rubber seat protector and Sheila’s distress eventually appeased the driver. Doctor Dave with ‘Will’, the boyfriend of Ashlyn, serenaded a small audience of revellers late into the night, David fell asleep on the settee, Adele continued to be the perfect host still controlled, tidily pissed and talking even more properly, Mick continued to be curious as to who was ‘the bird with fat arse’ whilst Chris drifted from one amusing meeting to another. But, no one appears to have any memory after midnight, it’s perhaps as well. 

Carpets 2

Fri.22.08.08. It has been decided, sensibly, that the floor carpets will not trimmed. They fit quite snugly to balance seamlessly with the side panels; emphasising the joint would be a mistake. Instead, the boot carpet edges will be trimmed in dark green together with additional floor mats that will also boast a ‘heel grip’: left hand side, of course. Joanne assures me that the work will be completed for next week.

Andy, of ‘Hosetech’ has been able to supply the cockpit and dash rubber surround in reinforced 19mm water and air hose (4.75mtrs for £16.64). The removal of the leather from the failed ‘pipe cladding’ should be a simple matter of pealing away from the perished foam. The new hose needs to split and the leather attached; another facile task.   

Carpets

Weds.20.08.08. Haydn Davies has responded to my e’mail requesting a further three badges to brand the car. He is having a problem with the smelting process but endeavours to complete the task by the end of the week. All the parts from Paddocks have arrived as expected Chris has spent the morning diligently assembling the missing pieces. He is suddenly realising that the car is fast approaching completion: every small addition is having a huge impact on the whole.

I have visited Coverdale’s carpets at Hindley Green to initially buy a can of aerosol adhesive that should keep the side sections of carpet in place. The borders on the floor carpets are usually trimmed in vinyl as opposed to leather. The material is more malleable, slightly thinner, being also resistant to cracking; so, for all of these reasons is the preferred finish. 

By choosing this fabric it also means that I don’t need to call on Michael, from Mars, to collect the remnants of the leather. God only knows which planet he has been visiting since I last saw him; I don’t think I could tolerate another experience of ‘vulcan mind exchange ’.  But I do feel that a complementary colour to the carpet would be more appropriate than the exact match of the leather avoiding the ‘crass’ and ‘cheesy’ look.

Quite by chance, via Brabbin and Rudd, I have stumbled across the perfect suppliers of ‘rubber hose’ which will be a better alternative to the pipe cladding that we have used for the cockpit trim. It is a reinforced rubber tubing normally used in the hydraulics industry. The sizes are ideal ranging from 19mm, 22mm and 25mm. I would guess the larger size would be perfect for the dashboard area whilst the narrower sections could be used for the cockpit edgings.

Further measuring and mocking up will be necessary before I plunge into buying too much. I have learned to be cautious when ordering loose amounts of ‘goods’. “You can never have enough, buy it when you can because it will always be handy”, doesn’t sit too well with me any more. I recall the advice of my grammar school economics teacher warning the class that “Mr Coleman has made his millions from the mustard left on his customers plates”. The only aspect of this advice is why it has taken me so long to realise how true it actually is.

The front spring issue

Tues.19.08.08. Andy at Europa required the serial number of the Spax adjustable shocker so that he will be able to match a suitable spring and platform (6761 2.FB). For the first time we have been given much more accurate information regarding the spring platform. It seems decades ago since we bought the components from Rimmers, or was it in fact Paddocks? As a consequence it is difficult to actually recall the configuration that had been sent. We believe that they may have dispatched the correct platform at 2.25 ID, which would not accommodate a conventional 2.65 Triumph spring but that of the more recent substitutes. The Spax system works quite differently in that the spring hugs the inner edge of the platform unlike that of Triumph which relies upon a cupped outer edge to secure the upward line of the spring. This would enable the modern sports springs of 1.9 and 2.25 to be fitted.

This is the very first time that we have been offered this information and changes the approach to the balance of the front suspension dramatically. Most of my time has been devoted to solving the problem by continually attempting to match the original Triumph ID, all together a total waste of time and effort. I recall the endless discussions over the past two years that I have had with spring manufacturers, suspension experts, Rimmers, Paddocks, Tony of Spax, Mark of Demon Tweeks. Geoff of Sheffield springs, etc…etc…all of which have never suggested that we should use the appropriate platform for the equivalent spring. Another example of misinformation has surfaced yet again. This time we may actually succeed.    

A fine Summer

                   Burlington Dairy June, July, August 2008.

Thurs.19.06.08 to Sat.16.08.08. Having returned from my extended trip to France I have been quite surprised to find that there has been considerable progress on the project. So much so that I intend merely listing each task with a view to rewriting once the first draft has been undertaken. But then again bollocks to it: probably at this stage a list is as good as it gets?

• The nosecone aluminium panels have been fitted tidying as well as streamlining the front end of the car.
• The carpets have been cut, placed in the cockpit to await gluing down. The boot box has also been lined together with the boot itself. The depth of colour together with its quality perfectly enhances the other tones of the car. The debate now is whether or not to ‘bind’ the floor sections. The cockpit trim surround has proved to be totally unsuitable, lacking substance it is beginning, even now, to break up. A more generous heavy-duty rubber that can withstand the rigours of climbing in and out of the vehicle must replace this. 
• Chris has enlisted the expertise of ‘Dick’ to assist in the fitting of the wiring loom. Dick has been in his element pontificating about voltage, resistance and the relevant tolerances that are critical when avoiding flash fires that result in burned out vehicles. His knowledge alongside his understanding has been a source of amazement, fettling, winkling and puffing his way through the complexities of supplying power to the various components of the car. He has, remarkably all but completed the wiring of the dash. With the mishmash of gauges clocks and switches it has been a remarkable accomplishment to make the whole system to function. He has surprised even the most cynical of doubters. A dark horse, still waters running deep, a flawed jewel or just someone who will always have one slate slightly dislodged. With the power supplied by a battery charger, with one flick of a switch, closely followed by another the car sprang to life. The front and rear lights burst into life, firstly the dim side lights echoed by the beam of the headlights, the indicators winked, tick tock, bright red stop lights popped on then off, the dashboard glowed reflecting the deep dark chocolate wood of the dash, the rear number plate even spread a soft white blanket across the aluminium base plate. Everything worked, without a fault. It is probably one of the few occasions when tasks have not had to be repeated, remade or abandoned.

Yet another snag list has been drawn up, some parts of I have been able to order today from James Paddock. These include……….

• 125252   1x distributor pedestal gasket 0.20mm
• 2x radiator caps, 7lbs
• 121311   1x radiator overflow pipe
• Gtr 108   1x temperature transmitter
• jpr 111    1x core plug set, cup type
• 2x felt washers for the rocker box cover
• 4x 10mm jubilee clips for the fuel line to the carburettors
• 1x flasher unit bracket
• 1x horn spring mechanism
• 24g1345  1x ignition barrel and key
• 3x standard bulbs for the speedo
• 3x standard bulbs for the 3 way clock, fuel temp, indicator

The total cost of all of the parts was £66.14p

I have phoned Max to ask his advice regarding the regulator which has only 6 spade connectors instead of the necessary 8. He seemed quite calm peculiarly jovial. I guess the change of medication has helped his demeanour. He put me onto Pete, his assistant, who sounded like he had ‘taken’ to using Max’s ‘ex’ medical supplies. He drolled on about E D WL FBB, joining two wires to one connector, but he didn’t know which, thus solving our problem. I think not. 

I have also contacted Andy at Europa to change the ammeter for a voltage gauge. He is also looking into the ‘eternal spring’ problem. 

More fittings

Thurs.15.05.08. The radiator fan and the steering column has been fitted. The brackets that had been fabricated earlier in the project have proved to be more than adequate to support the entire assembly. The 2mm steel that was used had been designed in such a way that when the radiator was attached it would form the third element of the engineering triangle. In isolation the brackets have always seemed too lightweight and flimsy but combined with the other components they are remarkably robust. The steering column has three fixing points. Located between the fixed scuttle top bracket, the original steering rack but  there is also a midpoint ‘bearing’ bolted then ‘glassed’ into the bulkhead to ensure the stability, response and smooth operation of the complete mechanism.       

I have been bold enough to attempt the alteration on the dashboard to improve the presentation of the switch back plate. It has been necessary to cut the full plate into two pieces: to remain as one piece would have meant that there would not be sufficient tolerances left in the timber for safety. The upper three way light switch plate does not require to be recessed as there is ample depth for the switch to operate efficiently. The lower plate contains two toggle switches, the cigar lighter, ignition and starter button. Cutting a 5mm rebate to accommodate the plate will improve their access and function. The original steel plate was cut using a jig saw; the edges being later ground and filed smoothly. The recess in the dash was accomplished using the rotary cutter followed by a wood chisel to remove the excess wood. The task has been successful. All that remains is the ‘infamous’ dry run to ensure that everything will operate properly.

Fri.16.05.08. Once the leather had been glued to the switch plate it was necessary to shave 1mm from the lower edge to accommodate the depth of the leather. The plate now sits tightly into the recess but will require very strong adhesive to secure as a permanent fixture. The upper plate has been fastened to the dash by means of four 6mm screws that penetrate the hardwood by only 1mm thus avoiding cracking the lacquer on the face side but should also hold the plate securely.

But, the major problem that has been exposed, is the fixing of the overdrive switch. A rectangular section had been removed from the back of the dash to accommodate the mechanism this would allow the switch to protrude sufficiently to be operated. Unfortunately, there is not enough clearance to fasten the locking nut to permanently fix the unit to the dash. The solution, at this moment in time, is not obvious: research will be required. The joy of negotiating the pitfalls of the previous exercise has been diminished in the light of this new problem; but tomorrow is another day.  

'Fabrication'

Weds.14.05.08. There had been some forgotten items to add to the list that I managed to deliver late in the afternoon. Chris proudly showed me around the car where the new additions had found a home. Everything was how I imagined it to be; the panels, tunnels, wooden trim all sat comfortably together. But, there is a problem with the precise positioning of the switch assembly on the dashboard. It will be necessary to remove 2mm from the plywood backplate of the dashboard so that the switches, ignition, starter and cigar lighter rest at a more usable depth. The toggles on the switches fractionally miss the lip of the wood; but a heavy bunch of ignition keys would certainly damage the surface of the wood. It is possible to chisel or router this depth away but it is a task for a skilled person. I do not have any experience of such delicate work and would not attempt, or accept the responsibility. This is a job for Richie.

Yet, after some thought, I have been pleased by the way I handled the disc cutter, but even more so impressively the router when making the final dashboard, so I am tempted to tackle this problem myself. Rather than using a heavy router or a mallet and chisel recalling the near disastrous experience of cutting the recess for the overdrive switch being, ‘one that I actually got away with’, by luckily not splitting the wood by clumsily bish, bashing with the hammer; the lighter ‘rotary’ mini drill may be the answer. A fine cutting disc would be delicate enough to trace out the outline of the section; this then could be carefully chiselled out to expose the recess. Once the steel plate was in place the integral strength of the dash would be maintained.

Chris had also been working on the front of the car, principally the detail of the supporting bracket that will retain the oil cooler as well as the proposed method of attaching the electric fan to the radiator. In the manufacturers instructions the installation involves threading 15cm plastic needles through the matrix of the radiator via the fixing points on the fan assembly, these are secured by a specially designed nut which clamps the unit to the core of the rad. Colin Brockbank, after consultation with Chris suggests that the assembly could work loose due of the natural vibration in the car. Historically this has proven to be the case, particularly during ‘rallies’ and competition. A stronger solution would be to fabricate additional parallel brackets that would fix to either side of the original radiator mounting brackets to secure the fan without disturbing the core.

The suggestion of telephoning the manufacturer to request the theory behind their method ‘fell on deaf ears’. Perhaps Colin does have a greater understanding than the actual company produces the unit, or are we just looking for more work? To complete this area of the vehicle the inside of the nosecone is now to be clad with aluminium to act as deflectors for the flow of the air, but also to improve the aesthetics. The rough patterns have been cut but it will be necessary to construct a much more accurate template using ‘Daler board’: these will be passed onto the ‘mighty’ Colin who will fabricate the panels using 2mm aluminium. 

Renewed enthusiasm

Tues 13.05.08. Jo had transported all the swag up to Westmead for Chris’s approval during the morning. I had been summoned to drive for Bradburn so I was unable to deliver the goods personally. In some senses this did free me from potential criticism but also the endless examination together with a thorough inspection of every item. The components passed with flying colours. Chris has always been impressed by Richie’s work so it was understandable that there would not be a problem with the dashboard and other trims. So too the leather bound tunnels and door panels received the seal of approval: Michaels work being surprisingly admired. Even the Moroso, Stanpart radiator filler cap ensemble was a ‘fine piece of craftsmanship’. Jo returned with the exceptionally good news that Chris was overjoyed with all of the parts.

Later in the Oak he repeated his rediscovered energy in addition to a renewed appetite for the project. He had been assembling the parts both painstakingly and carefully for the rest of the day, raising his demeanour after every delightful new fitting. He was back exhibiting the same childlike enthusiasm he had demonstrated in the past. I had not seen this impulsive, impetuous emotion for several months; it was a welcome return to the Chris of old, even more so because the finishing post is in sight.

Skimming through the journal I realised that the initial design of the dashboard had originated around the September of 2006. Similarly, the rough drafts for the tunnels and door panel began around the same time. This has reinforced the belief that the ‘design process’ should never be underestimated both in terms of the timescale but also in complexity. The endless prototypes once filled my cellar; conjured from cardboard, Daler board, plywood, MDF, PVA, paper and filler. Multi techniques have been applied, cutting, sanding, screwing, gluing, and drilling using saw, router, drill, belt, palm and block sanders. But the tireless search for balance, texture, proportion, harmony, colour and of course complimentary materials has been achieved with infinite success.

Where it has been Marion’s loss it has been my gain. Kitchen versus car, I win. 

Inertia

Sat.17.05.08. An early visit to Brabbin and Rudd proved to be fruitful in that I returned home with three different sized washers that may cover the protrusion around the overdrive switch. I had attempted to strip down a superfluous switch to examine the possibilities of surface mounting the toggle and re-locating the casing but the mechanism is integral to both parts. So adopting plan ‘B’ I returned to the cellar hoping that by permanently fixing the entire switch to the rear of the dash, using small amounts of filler, this would still allow the operation of the switch but the resultant exposed gap could be secreted cleverly by one of the washers. The approach has been successful. All that remained was to glue the lower switch plate to the recessed slot, clean and polish the buttons, levers and switches and, possibly, tomorrow will see the final assembly. 

Sun.18.05.08. To ensure that the lower back plate remains solidly in place I have applied ‘filler’ around the edges for additional strength. The controls have been cleaned and polished to await assembly to the dash.

The patterns that form the templates for the inner lining of the nose cone have been cut from Daler board. These will be used to fabricate the panels from aluminium.

Fri.30.05.08. There has not been any serious work on the Burlington for twelve days. Inertia has kicked in again, ‘a return to apathy’, ‘other things to do’, a definite suggested inference that the project will roll on into another November. I have delivered the partially assembled dashboard plus the templates for the nosecone housing. Naturally there has been a problem with the fitting of the dash in that the cowling that covers the stalk mechanism prevents the simple installation of the dash. It has been necessary to remove the steering column before offering up the completed dash section. 

All the clocks and wiring needs to be in place before the column can be secured; the wiring loom also needs to be fed through the scuttle simultaneously to be connected in the engine bay, but this approach is not at all practical for future routine maintenance.

The kitchen has now taken centre stage. 

Moroso filler cap

Mon.12.05.08. Over the weekend I have rubbed down the clumsy weld on the filler cap. Initially starting with a file, the larger chunks were removed from the ‘Moroso’ extension piece and the collar carefully blended into the original ‘Stanpart’ housing by applying decreasing values of ‘wet and dry’. A final polish with ‘T’ cut and ‘Brasso’ has brought up the surface of the unit into the dull retro look of vintage alloy. Against the new highly polished sections of aluminium found on the interior of the engine compartment this ‘aged’ appearance will offer a striking contrast.

I have collected the dashboard, under trim and boot trim from Richie who has completed the final rub down. In natural light the timber looks subtly grained, deep and rich in colour. The Motalita steering wheel matches exactly to compliment the other components. I feel confident that once in the car combined with the sage green leather and ‘Rolls Royce’ forest green carpets the interior will look stunning.

More importantly, on Sunday afternoon fuelled by ten pints of ‘Stella’, Chris has confessed to being distracted from the project by the problems he is having with his kitchen together with the subsequent, relentless jibing by the gang in the Roy Castle corner. “Listen, listen, you are not bothered about the time it’s taking, are you? I’m getting pissed off with Lewis and Knocker having a go; criticising everything that I am doing: they seem to think that I can’t do anything right. They are not involved in any projects like me, they certainly don’t realise the time it takes to get things absolutely perfect. It’s easy for them to accuse me of dragging my feet, not being organised, being slow and forgetful. They wouldn’t like to be endlessly evaluated upon every little piece of work that they friggin’ did. So Nigella, if you don’t mind we shall just carry on with the project slowly and carefully?”

I suppose two apologies in five days is something of a record, appreciably, the ‘air’ has been cleared possibly a new realistic time frame has been established. 

The trim is ready

Fri.09.05.08. Michael has eventually returned my call to tell me that the remaining items of trim are ready for collection. He was in an unusually joyful mood making jokes about the warm weather that we have been recently experiencing, he also gaily commented on my exposed legs and tanned face. His 10,000 mile service on Jupiter must have done the trick. The sections of tunnel had been covered and stapled on the inside which had, thankfully, overcome the potential problem of the glue reacting with the PVA and paper cladding. They were neat, slightly padded with 6mm corresponding seams running upon the top edge. The door panels again had sufficient support from a sponge backing material showing a top and bottom horizontal border filled with vertical 40mm fluted bands. The handbrake shroud has been fixed to the tunnel but the gear stick cover remains loose and will be attached by the chrome decorative ring after the tunnel has been put in place. Around the scuttle top and cockpit sides a leather bound foam trim should finishes the interior neatly. Choosing the colours along with the materials for the upholstery had been fraught with the problems of contrast combined with balance. Until all of these components have been assembled in the car it is difficult to appreciate the degree to which the choices will be successful. Nevertheless, I am confident that they are compatible, they should positively contribute to a harmonious finished design. The cost of all of these items was £260.00 bringing a total cost for all of the leather interior trim to £760.00 which, considering the individual uniqueness of every piece doesn’t strike me as being expensive.

Unfortunately, and for the first time, Catterall and Wood have not produced work of outstanding quality, particularly at an exorbitant charge of £40.00. The stainless breather pipe has been spot welded and polished satisfactorily but the radiator filler extension has been crudely welded, it will need to be rubbed down to affect a seamless joint. In their defence I am sure that Alan or Chris had not realised that the unit would be visible on the car, as a result they have produced a functional rather than an ornamental piece. The section can be rescued by careful sanding: only then shall I offer the part for inspection. The last thing that I need is for the craftsmanship of Catterall and Wood to be compromised consequentially finding themselves joining the rest of the charlatans in the ‘fuck off’ bin. This weekend I intend to fashion this extension into something acceptable.

Strangely, the news of the day was not greeted with the excitement that I expected. Chris responded in a very matter of fact way, which at the time was quite puzzling; but recently his moods have been impossible to gauge, I am learning to expect anything. C’est la vie.  

Contrite

Weds.07.05.08. Alan, of Catterall and Wood, assures me that he is able to cut a circular piece of Stainless steel that will form the base plate supporting the spare wheel on the exterior panel of the boot. He is limited to a depth of 3mm suggesting also that there may be some warping when the metal flexes back. This could be easily overcome by securing the plate using four substantial 6mm bolts. The laser cut can leave a very sharp edge but again after grinding and polishing this can be softened. When reporting this information to Chris I was quite surprised to find him a tad contrite after his outburst last night. “You must understand that I’m all over the place these days with the kitchen and everything, I just ‘kick off’ for no reason at all; but listen, we must get organised with the project; you must get all of these parts ordered, the missing components collected, don’t just sit back and let it happen!” Well, I suppose that was the closest to an apology I am ever likely to receive.

I had promised Richie that I would visit the workshop to see the results of darkening the ‘Motalita’ steering wheel in an attempt to match the dashboard and other wooden trim. I was not disappointed; the richness of the dash was now reflected in the wheel, being an almost perfect match. All that remains is a final light rubbing down and the combination will be complete. Richie has definitely worked his magic with this timber, the effort involved developing this aspect of the car has proven to be all the more worthwhile.

More cracks appear

Fri.02.05.08. The ‘Moroso’ extension radiator cap has been taken to Catterall and Wood to be cut and welded to the original ‘Stanpart’ thermostat housing. This will enable the water system of the car to be accessed at the highest point for filling, as such should ensure that the volume of liquid remains at its optimum. The oil cooler has also been fitted with the aid of a new aluminium bracket. The hose connection still fouls the filter mechanism so there needs to be a further modification to the brass angled bracket to create sufficient space for the complete unit.

A visit to Nigel the painter has finally revealed a price for the job. The total for all of his work will be £500.00. A first payment will be made on the 6^th. of May of £250.00 and the second amount after the car has been buffed. Chris has required an aerosol of paint to blow in the minor damage that has been caused during the final build. The paint can also be used to finish the underside of the nosecone and the front and rear edges of the bonnet.

Tues.06.05.08. I have made the interim payment to Nigel Penk for the painting of the car (£250.00). But, there has been better news from Aspull because Michael has promised the completion of the panels and tunnel by Thursday.

I failed to contact Catterall and Wood regarding whether or not they could produce a stainless steel circular plate, which will form the base on the boot for the location of spare wheel. Subsequently, later in the Oak, this had ‘brewed’ into a festering source of annoyance to Chris who, uncharacteristically, instead of being mildly frustrated, went ballistic when he discovered that I had not made the call. Being pulled in all directions recently, attempting on the one hand to complete his kitchen but at the same time spending the morning on the car has probably been the source of his mood. He felt that I had let him down by not completing this simple ‘five minute’ task. It didn’t help matters when both Lewis and Knocker found his tantrum to be an opportune, unmissable source of amusement with every goading comment fuelling his disposition. He was becoming increasing flustered but still continued to direct his anger at myself, since on the surface, I was the cause of his irritability, the villain of the piece, the boil on the arse. With a feeling of innocence, upon leaving the pub, I felt troubled. His sudden, abrupt anger was obviously due to the consequences of his daily schedule; mainly, that he is being perpetually harassed by Marion to finish the kitchen, Mike Hilton of ‘warning light’ fame, has stitched him up with yet another cripple of a car, certain auto traders still owe him a bucket load of money, ‘Slick’ has let him down over the prolonged repair of a vehicle, consequently, being unable to accept these factors I had become the whipping boy for the day. I awaited a phone call at 9.30pm for an additional tirade, which thankfully did not materialise: because, I too am equally pissed off for being responsible for ‘everything being wrong on Planet Ball’. I’m tired of being  endlessly grateful for his input and his fucking garage, his endless criticism, irrationality along side his tireless misguided search for perfection. At this particular moment I feel that just one more accusation will be enough.