Trader's Tales

Thurs.26.10.06.The garage has undergone an extraordinary transformation. Colin has made specific demands regarding the orderly tidiness of the workshop. It is his intention to rebuild the short engine on Friday, to avoid any contamination it has been necessary to create a clean working environment. All the accumulated rubbish has been bagged up and loaded, along with the unwanted original Burlington parts, into the Discovery to be taken to the reclamation centre or the lockup by Friday morning. 

The workbench ‘flotsam’ has been limited in such a manner that only the correct size of spanner, socket or wrench has been made available. Alongside of which are the relevant nuts and bolts. Stretched out on the chassis in a cleaning tank is the crank, big ends and main bearings: these are to be soaked overnight in petrol to accelerate the final cleaning. The new Deeves piston rings, Vanderbilt main bearing set and the County big end bearings, together with the complete engine gasket set, have been systematically arranged on an adjacent makeshift table. The entire workshop resembles, for the first time, an operating theatre in a hospital albeit Hospital Bosso, Candolim, Goa.

An old sparing partner from the past pitched up in the afternoon to talk ‘cars’. This was Ken, a large imposing gent who Chris had nurtured 20 years ago having initiated him into the car trade after he was made redundant from British Leyland. “He showed me how to sell my first car and make £25.00, I’ve never looked back since!” One of conversations most commonly expressed within the motor trade revolves around past debts, monies owed, retrieving monies owed or just plain ‘tuttling’. Ken began with the story of the ‘camper van’. He had purchased the van from a dealer having drawn a bankers draft to pay for the vehicle. The following day he left for his annual holiday only to receive a phone call from the dealer who claimed that the van was now not for sale. 

Ken then emphasised that once a bankers draft had been accepted it was a ‘done deal’: there could be ‘no change of mind’. “Well it’s like this, I’ve not cashed your cheque, I have changed my mind, I’ve got a better deal from someone else,” replied the unfortunate dealer. To ‘cock’ on a transaction is the cardinal sin within the motor trade, so Ken, because he was out of the country, had to resort to ‘Karate’. Not the sport, but the organisation that specialises in recovering debts or goods. Within one hour the vehicle was on the forecourt at Ken’s garage: it had cost him £250.00 to make the call. “Listen, listen, remember that weasel on the A6 who owed Bill Starkey 35 grand: believe me, this is absolutely true!” countered Chris. “He phoned the ‘Quality Street Gang’ in Manchester to get his money back”. Early one morning when that certain salesperson was on his own he had a visit from one of the gang. Asking if he could be of any assistance he was met with the reply, “Yes, you can pay this debt, because if you don’t, I can break your arms, legs or ribs, I don’t mind which. By the way when you give me the cheque you must not try to stop it, or seek revenge on my client, because if you do I shall return to shoot you”. Needless to say the debt had been recovered. Ken volunteered one more. “Tommy Newton owed Sydney Strange 85 grand for two Mercs that he planned to sell in Spain. The cars were shipped over, but the Spanish agent pocketed the money when they were sold on. Syd requested payment from Tommy, but Tommy didn’t have the brass. So, Tommy went for a day trip to Anglezarke restrained and gagged in the back of a white van. After having had both of his legs broken he decided to write out a cheque”.