Self protection

 

Burlington diary November 2007

Thurs.01.11.07. We are staggering towards ‘D’ day, the outcome of which still remains an unknown. Towards the end of October there had been a sudden unexpected urgency to complete. Whether this had been buoyed by a startling realisation that the project could be concluded, the throw away taunts from the Roy Castle corner or the more sinister jibes from, my mate, Captain Salty. Chris has displayed manic enthusiasm since the return of the body tub but regrettably he has reverted to ‘type’, a work pattern of his own design, progressively lurching three forward and two back. The former criticisms regarding my contributions have re-surfaced; disorganised, slow, not up to speed, sloppy, lazy etc. are regularly churned out. The elements of guilt, torn loyalties, a wasted summer have subconsciously smoke screened the actuality, morphing into self defence, self protection. But, who cares? I have learned to ‘flow’, skin thicker than a Rhino, occasionally mildly irritated but never boiling over. This is a ‘big’ month, much like every other fucker.

Cleaning off the filler from the brackets was, as expected, not pleasant typically another unnecessary repetitive task. Once primed followed by a couple of coats of satin black the tiresome labour was rewarded with the prospect of yet more, rescued, uniquely fabricated components that will add to the already growing assembly of fresh, radiant parts. 

Later in the Oak, I attempted to create a shopping list for my visit to ‘Europa’ the next day, but the ‘smoked’ duck, Thai style chicken was a greater pull. ‘Bags of time’ befits the collective ethos. I managed to suggest that these should be the special moments to savour. The bleak days of stripping and rubbing down, dealing with crazy, bent suppliers, disappointing substandard workmanship are all behind us. “Why not, step back, relish the build, delight at the present achievement approach the next few weeks thoughtfully, logically and proudly”. “So, you are telling me that you are not bothered whether it is finished or not; typical, if you had got your act together earlier, shaped up, been more determined there would not be this problem!” was the expected, emblematic retort. Time for bed.