Epitaph

                                       Burlington Diary February 2012

This could be the final piece of dialogue about The Burlington SS project that began way back in March 2006. Not the joyous conclusion I had wished for but a true end none the less. I am not completely free from blame. Re-visiting the same old ground I have eventually decided that my earlier compliance to every concept, routes travelled, time frames abandoned, deadlines never met plus the numerous occasions when I always ‘fell in line’ or just plain, ‘rolled over’, had contributed ultimately to the ‘messy divorce’. I allowed my personal parameters to be undermined too many times becoming the easy target, the whipping boy. A bully can smell weakness; repeated criticism becomes straightforward, effortless, developing into reinforced, established behaviour. Only realising these characteristics after the event is my excuse; the deep rooted resentment is as much my fault as his. I must, therefore, share the responsibility of this unacceptable, distasteful and uncomfortable conclusion.

Sun.19.02.12. I have kept my distance From Chris Ball for the past 6 months avoiding any possible contact in the Oak; Jo and I usually watch the bands on Sunday from the safety of the vault, it is the only time that we venture into the pub when he is present. But regrettably, there have been notable events in my private life that have taken priority over the ‘Ball’ saga. Dad has been discharged from the Stewart assessment centre on the 22^nd of October to be admitted to Broad Oak Manor nursing home. He remains there to this day despite being transferred with the sole purpose of spending his final few weeks receiving ‘palliative’ care. Sadly, Mum died quite suddenly on the 23^rd of January, I suspect that she had finally accepted that dad would not ever return home: she became depressed and possibly just gave up. After 2 weeks of illness, again with the stubborn refusal to receive professional care she was admitted to Whiston hospital where she died during the night due to the deep seated infection in her chest: ‘community pneumonia’ was the actual cause of death. The home visits earlier in the week from Dr. Russell along with the prescribed antibiotics had not done the trick. She did in fact have her final wish, she would never ‘go into care’, neither would she ever accept any external support; these two factors eventually became her undoing. I found it very difficult to grieve openly at the funeral apart from empathising with dad who had assimilated his wife’s demise responding appropriately at the service. The intention in the future is to have a joint ‘celebration’ when Dad’s situation is resolved; a proper send off. Until then we mark time. We visit Dad every day, he seems strong but his mental state fluctuates, he also appears very frail.

Mike has been over for the funeral and offered some sound advice regarding the irretrievable situation that exists between Chris and I. He feels strongly that the conflicting interpretation of the major issues continued for far too long, deep seated bitterness and resentment had set in becoming entrenched, embellished and reinforced by the passing of time. The verbal and physical attack on the 23^rd July 2011 was the result of this festering resentment that had been ‘slowly cooked up’ over the previous 18 months. There was absolutely zero rational supporting the ‘claimed’ elementary facts. There had been exaggerated, fictitious statements, incorrect time frames, procedural decisions untruthfully exclaimed as well as the complete misinterpretation of the real events. Mike had had a similar situation during his early years in business, where he allowed a problem to rankle only confronting the major concerns when it was too late. His interpretation of events had become warped, his understanding of the personal problems misjudged. He harboured bitterness for many years afterwards in an attempt to make sense of what had happened; he chewed over the conflicting facts, procedures and outcomes. In his mind he could not resolve the ‘event’ at all until he was faced with the comparable problem that he vowed to address immediately; it was only then that he could enjoy total closure from the primary problem. The moral of the story is that, no matter what I do or say Chris will always harbour anger and resentment over the affair; it may be manifested in another guise but the indisputable obstruction will always be the ‘Burlington’. I have therefore decided to have no contact whatsoever with Chris. Nothing will satisfy his acrimonious animosity towards myself. He will never be convinced, persuaded or proven to be in any way responsible for this dreadful state of affairs.

Yet, on Sunday whilst leaving the pub he had another snipe; in typically sneaky fashion; after a smiling greeting to Jo he turned to me ‘slyly whispering’ that ‘manners cost nothing’, and with that left the pub. I have now a greater understanding of Mike’s advice. This problem will not go away. I still feel that complete non contact is the only remedy: but again, I feel that this will not be enough for Chris Ball.

Although the project is concluded I plan to take the Burlington on many continental trips over the next few years. I shall endeavour to be informative, intuitive and most of all content. I shall post as blogs when I have sufficient material: please keep in touch.
Many thanks for following my story; I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as myself.

Promotional photos for CKC magazine

The Burlington is being prepared for the photo shoot for Complete Kit Car Magazine

Outside the Chateau at Sercy.

The wash house at Messeugne sur Guye

The camp site at Savigny

The church at Mont St. Vincent

Le Cafe 'Bec Fin'

Cafe du Loup

The 3 star Hotel de Bougogne at Cluny. One day we shall stay and eat in this place?

The Abbaye at Cluny.

Many more of these photographs have been stored and catalogued for the sole purpose of an article which may be published in Complete Kit car Magazine: unfortunately this has not yet happened. But what I do intend to 'post' are the many planned tours in the Burlington around Europe over the next few years. They will be detailed, documented as well as visual images of the places discovered and recorded. I intend to continue with my blog in this way: so please keep reading, I hope you enjoy the next stage. Many thanks for following the complete story over the past years. There remains only the 'Epitaph' which will follow this blog. 

Loose ends

Tues.23.08.11. I have finally made contact with Nigel Penk; he feels no animosity towards me and said after the sudden death of his young wife Mandy he just walked away from the business to look after his children, who are now 18, 16, and 7 respectively. He had closed the workshop the same day and has not returned since. I have had no excuse not to trace him before, but after two years I had learned to ignore the payment. I unequivocally apologised which he graciously accepted. I paid my debt of £250 plus a further £50 for my tardiness, wishing him all the best for the future: both Jo and I left at 5.45. The matter is closed albeit two years late.

Mon.29.08.11. There has been a further notable twist in the Chris Ball saga. I had been in the Oak for about one hour talking to Captain Salty and Danny Brennan about trivial football and Rugby anecdotes. After they had left Chris entered the pub, immediately making contact. In his own way, he apologised for his behaviour claiming that his genuine passion for the vehicle had accounted for his outrageous behaviour when he realised I had left for France without the triumphant send off he had assumed should have occurred. Which incidentally could possibly only have been manufactured intuitively, by instinct or impulse since neither the Doc nor myself had a not a clue of what was ‘going on’ in his head. He had a journalist lined up, he wanted to drive the vehicle with ‘Brockie’, it had been a life saver for him, he loved every entire inch, every nut and bolt, he had crafted and created the complete concept. 

Unquestionably, the project had occupied his life for the past five years; it had in fact been a ‘life saver’. His brutal reaction had been unforgivable, out of character. “I am a gentle person just like yourself!” “I would also like to apologise to Jo, please pass on my thoughts: all this ‘bother’ is making me ill.”

I accepted everything that he had said, shaking his hand, I commented that we should put all of this nasty business behind us, water under the bridge, move on, sign it off. He appeared contrite, humble, more significantly he had not had a drink: this was as honest an explanation as it was going to be. I am also personally pleased this unpleasant episode has reached some sort of conclusion: I am also in no doubt that this may be only a temporary truce, but perhaps I shall be proved wrong.  

Possible reconciliation

Tues.26.07.11. Since the event I have tried to get in touch with both Dick and Nigel (I have left a message with his uncle at his old garage to contact me regarding this possible debt). As I suspected I do not owe Dick one cent: just as I had assumed, he had completed the job out of the kindness of his heart; a visit to ‘Damians’ bike breakers yard confirmed this. “I was glad to help, I had no regular work at the time so the days working on the car were really enjoyable. I didn’t want a penny for any of it, I thought I had told Chris at the time?”

Sun.21.08.11. Down at the Oak Jo and I had been enjoying a pleasant afternoon watching a great little blues trio along with intermittently chatting to Lowtie and Danny Boon when in walked Chris accompanied by Danny Brennan, Preacher and Andy Lewis. Apparently they had been on pub crawl in Stockport, Danny’s home town.

I did want to leave so as not to cause any embarrassment or divided support from any of the assembled friends, but Lowtie insisted I should stay and not be railroaded out of the pub: so we agreed, watching the last set of the band. But as we were leaving I asked Andy how Margo’s ‘do’ had been the previous night, which unfortunately gave Chris his usual sneaky opportunity to speak to Jo. She immediately informed him that she did not want to speak to him. I then moved on to chat with Jenny and Joe Berry from where I could hear Chris calling my name quickly followed by him making advances towards me. Fortunately, he was then dragged back by Andy.

If there is going to be any reconciliation it will not happen after he has consumed far too much beer than he can handle; I have at least learned that lesson. If it was to be a serious apology, which I do not believe for one moment, the appropriate opportunity should have been immediately upon entering the pub, not when we were leaving one hour later.

It is a difficult time that needs resolving, but any contact after a boozy Sunday afternoon is not going to put an end to the problems of the past month.

Final attack

I continued to explain my perception of the situation, constantly stating that I had been extremely grateful for everything that he, over the past 4 years had contributed, every effort, time and heart into the car: as a consequence I emphasised yet again,   “You have worked your tripe out for 4 years to produce a wonderful vehicle: Are you not proud?  My overall view was that you needed the vehicle out of the garage to complete other things; Rachel needed her office moving so the space was required for that? You asked me to remove boxes of nuts, bolts, axle stands, in fact anything that was associated with the car, from the workshop. I thought that in your opinion it had run its course and you needed the space but over the past 2 years I offered on numerous occasions that you should continue to be involved; but you were always appeared to be ‘hot or cold’ regarding the conclusion of the project. I proffered to pay for you to travel to France in the car for the inaugural trip and I would fly or train you back home. I asked you on more than 3 occasions but you never said either way that you wanted to come; I assumed that you didn’t want any fuss. The original concept of the grand gesture leaving gloriously from the Oak had long past; I firmly believed that no one was interested anymore.”

But, regrettably yet relentlessly, he continued to accuse me of being the worst person in the world, he had utter abhorrence for my behaviour; I was the liar, the total contemptible person, he was determined to hit me. His final physical attack began when he grabbed my shirt forcefully threatening, with a clenched fist, to knock me senseless; promising to ‘butt’ me where I stood. I was speechless. Thankfully, David stepped in, ripped him off, finally frogmarching him out of the pub to transport him home.

I apologised to ‘Doc’ and left myself.

The deal is done, as distasteful as it was: it is probably a better ending to the entire project than the one that should have been created; there is nothing juicier than a messy divorce. Win some, lose some. This is probably the end to the story. Thank fuck for that. 

To be continued........

Physical attack

I was the villain: I was then, at this point, extraordinarily accused of not paying Nigel Penk for additional paintwork and also Dick, who I assumed had volunteered his services, “Just because he enjoys to do ‘stuff’ like that doesn’t mean that he didn’t want to be rewarded!” His eccentric allegations also included that I had used his electricity and garage for 3 years, ‘who was going to pay for that?’ I was the worst person that he had ever dealt with throughout his entire life; he continued to rant irrationally forcefully stating that I had insinuated that ‘he’ was in fact lying, particularly regarding the circumstances surrounding the removal of the car. This specific indictment is an enormous slight on his personal character, but even more, a ‘no go area’ in any argument, as he has always significantly cherished and vigorously defended his honesty, his word, his ‘parole’.

Chris was becoming increasingly out of control, he suddenly snapped, proceeding to throw his pint of lager over me; this was his first ‘sortie’, followed immediately by the threat to give me a smack, also stating, that ‘he had held back because he was so furious that he could quite as easily have smashed the glass in my face. I instantly realised that he was indisputably capable of this violent act even though I had never before witnessed such absurd, hostile behaviour; the physical threats were genuine. I suppose he equally felt that I could also be capable of such an angry response. I was not even close to this level of fury; I was confused at his sudden rage, the extreme intimidation, rapidly escalating into “If you don’t shut up, I shall take you outside and fuckin’ kill you”   

To be continued...

Confrontation, accusation.

Sat. 23.07.11. I have returned early from France to support my mother; dad is really ill. He has been admitted to 2C ward at Whiston Hospital with suspected pneumonia. The visit today wasn’t pleasant as he was bed ridden with all the relevant tubes fitted that will intravenously provide strong antibiotics and the necessary fluids to give him a fighting chance.

Late in the afternoon I welcomed a few scoops in the Oak before returning home to enjoy my de-frosting ‘Spag’, real comfort food. The ambiance was jovial, enjoying Wigan Rugby league win an exciting encounter against Warrington: but, regrettably the delight of the victory was overshadowed by a verbal attack by Chris regarding his dismay at my, in his belief, treacherous act of driving the car down to France without him or Colin trying it out before I left. “I cannot tell you how much I have felt cheated  and disappointed that you didn’t bring the car up to my house so that we could test it, you are the most distasteful person that I have ever met, everyone else thinks so too, you promised to bring the car on Monday or Tuesday but you didn’t, you were going to make a grand departure from the Oak but you came down on your own, taking photographs: I have never been as let down with anybody as you, your are a fuckin’ shit, a pathetic, selfish, lying turd, the biggest arsehole in the world!!”

I tried to explain that I had been expecting a call regarding Colin and yourself taking the car out for a run but it never came, I assumed that you had changed your mind. Again I defended my stance reminding Chris that it had been difficult dealing with the progress of the project over the past 18 months for various reasons. Mistakenly, I tried to explain that I had also on many occasions attempted to encourage him to become involved after ‘he’ wanted the car removed from the garage. “You needed to finish your kitchen; Rachel also wanted the space to store her office furniture before taking over her new premises?” But Chris countered with “I never wanted the car removed until it was totally finished: I am really getting annoyed now!” During these totally unfounded, aggressive exchanges I endeavoured to explain, on at least three opportunities,  that I had greatly appreciated everything he had done but that he had seemed disinterested for the past 2 years: my feelings were he had moved on, wanted to get on with other things, he had had enough. But this was not accepted, my view of the situation was on a direct collision course with his. 

To be continued...