Dick, the spy

Mon.12.03.07. Colin has constructed the complete exhaust system. He has cut and welded sections of stainless steel pipe around the petrol tank so that both tail pipes emerge below the boot area. Several brackets to hold the system to the chassis need to be fabricated but the complications of routing through the chassis have been successfully overcome. It is another additional, exclusive and finely crafted piece of work.

Towards the end of the day I delivered the springs from Andy of Gaskells, which, for the moment, will be stored until the car has been further built up. A second fitting for the dashboard has convinced both Chris and I that the ‘recessed’ version will be the premier choice.

I feel confident that the project is back on track and perhaps, for the first time, there is definite logic along with sound method to our approach.                   

Dick has decided to find a proper job. With his adventures trading in the ‘internet’ failing miserably together with his reluctance to return to the spanners he has been encouraged to pursue a quite different career. He has applied to MI5 for a position in surveillance. He has completed and submitted the forms for the personnel department. He has undergone the primary interview and awaits his call for the second. “Bloody hell, they asked all sorts of private stuff: was I married, if not why not, had I had a relationship with a man, a woman or a beast in the last 10 years? Did I have a preference for little boys or girls, extremely old men or women? I know that I am beyond suspicion because I have not had any sort of relationship at all, never, de nada, rien, zip, jamais. They continued to probe about my immediate family; did I know of anyone who has a criminal background, belonged to a politically extreme group, subscribed to ‘Private Eye’ magazine, or wrote accusing letters to the local council? I was safe with that one as well since most of my relatives can’t read or write, the closest they would ever get to politics would be to vote for the next concert secretary at Lower Addlington Workingmen’s club. 

But, I am still baffled by his final questions. Why on earth would he want to know where I do my shopping? Am I an ‘Aldi’ or a ‘Tesco’ loyalty rewarded customer, am I ‘Primark’ or ‘Debenhams’ man? but then with his face fixed so close that our eyeballs were touching he asked was I a ‘Wickes’ or ‘Band Q’ person? Neither, clever bollocks, I quickly replied, my mother does all the buying because she is the only one with any money! But I suppose, thinking about it carefully, they need to know all that stuff just because you may be vulnerable for blackmail. I am perfect for the job because I tick all their boxes, I can’t wait to start!” Dick then explained that the job entailed close observation of people in everyday situations such as in the workplace or perhaps shopping. “It’s very tricky, I need to look at CCTV screens to see if anybody is up to mischief, particularly at night when most places are closed. If there is an intruder I need to call back to HQ dragging out the big boys.” Chris then asked the obvious question, “Are you sure you have applied to MI5 and not as a security guard at MFI?”