Burlington Diary February 2012
This could be the
final piece of dialogue about The Burlington SS project that began way back in
March 2006. Not the joyous conclusion I had wished for but a true end none the
less. I am not completely free from blame. Re-visiting the same old ground I
have eventually decided that my earlier compliance to every concept, routes
travelled, time frames abandoned, deadlines never met plus the numerous
occasions when I always ‘fell in line’ or just plain, ‘rolled over’, had
contributed ultimately to the ‘messy divorce’. I allowed my personal parameters
to be undermined too many times becoming the easy target, the whipping boy. A
bully can smell weakness; repeated criticism becomes straightforward, effortless,
developing into reinforced, established behaviour. Only realising these
characteristics after the event is my excuse; the deep rooted resentment is as
much my fault as his. I must, therefore, share the responsibility of this
unacceptable, distasteful and uncomfortable conclusion.
Sun.19.02.12. I have kept my distance From Chris Ball for
the past 6 months avoiding any possible contact in the Oak; Jo and I usually watch
the bands on Sunday from the safety of the vault, it is the only time that we
venture into the pub when he is present. But regrettably, there have been notable
events in my private life that have taken priority over the ‘Ball’ saga. Dad has
been discharged from the Stewart assessment centre on the 22nd of
October to be admitted to Broad Oak Manor nursing home. He remains there to
this day despite being transferred with the sole purpose of spending his final
few weeks receiving ‘palliative’ care. Sadly, Mum died quite suddenly on the 23rd
of January, I suspect that she had finally accepted that dad would not ever
return home: she became depressed and possibly just gave up. After 2 weeks of
illness, again with the stubborn refusal to receive professional care she was admitted
to Whiston hospital where she died during the night due to the deep seated infection
in her chest: ‘community pneumonia’ was the actual cause of death. The home visits
earlier in the week from Dr. Russell along with the prescribed antibiotics had
not done the trick. She did in fact have her final wish, she would never ‘go
into care’, neither would she ever accept any external support; these two
factors eventually became her undoing. I found it very difficult to grieve
openly at the funeral apart from empathising with dad who had assimilated his
wife’s demise responding appropriately at the service. The intention in the
future is to have a joint ‘celebration’ when Dad’s situation is resolved; a
proper send off. Until then we mark time. We visit Dad every day, he seems strong
but his mental state fluctuates, he also appears very frail.
Mike has been over for the funeral and offered some sound
advice regarding the irretrievable situation that exists between Chris and I.
He feels strongly that the conflicting interpretation of the major issues continued
for far too long, deep seated bitterness and resentment had set in becoming
entrenched, embellished and reinforced by the passing of time. The verbal and
physical attack on the 23rd July 2011 was the result of this
festering resentment that had been ‘slowly cooked up’ over the previous 18
months. There was absolutely zero rational supporting the ‘claimed’ elementary
facts. There had been exaggerated, fictitious statements, incorrect time frames,
procedural decisions untruthfully exclaimed as well as the complete
misinterpretation of the real events. Mike had had a similar situation during
his early years in business, where he allowed a problem to rankle only
confronting the major concerns when it was too late. His interpretation of
events had become warped, his understanding of the personal problems misjudged.
He harboured bitterness for many years afterwards in an attempt to make sense
of what had happened; he chewed over the conflicting facts, procedures and
outcomes. In his mind he could not resolve the ‘event’ at all until he was
faced with the comparable problem that he vowed to address immediately; it was
only then that he could enjoy total closure from the primary problem. The moral
of the story is that, no matter what I do or say Chris will always harbour
anger and resentment over the affair; it may be manifested in another guise but
the indisputable obstruction will always be the ‘Burlington’. I have therefore
decided to have no contact whatsoever with Chris. Nothing will satisfy his
acrimonious animosity towards myself. He will never be convinced, persuaded or
proven to be in any way responsible for this dreadful state of affairs.
Yet, on Sunday whilst leaving the pub he had another snipe;
in typically sneaky fashion; after a smiling greeting to Jo he turned to me
‘slyly whispering’ that ‘manners cost nothing’, and with that left the pub. I
have now a greater understanding of Mike’s advice. This problem will not go
away. I still feel that complete non contact is the only remedy: but again, I feel
that this will not be enough for Chris Ball.
Although the project is concluded I plan to take the Burlington on many continental trips over the next few years. I shall endeavour to be informative, intuitive and most of all content. I shall post as blogs when I have sufficient material: please keep in touch.
Many thanks for following my story; I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as myself.
Although the project is concluded I plan to take the Burlington on many continental trips over the next few years. I shall endeavour to be informative, intuitive and most of all content. I shall post as blogs when I have sufficient material: please keep in touch.
Many thanks for following my story; I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as myself.